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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. I love him so much. He is the sweetest guy, he goes out of his way to do all he can for me and we can just lay about for hours talking and reading. He does however have an irrational controlling side to him. He once got jealous because I enjoyed a porkchop his best friend made me ... he said "that pork chop may as well have been [his friend's] di*k." He has broken up with me 2 times when he has gotten to his peak of craziness and usually he breaks up with me when I am really happy and acting like myself (rather than walking on eggshells which I have done in the past) or after he has confessed how strongly he feels about me. It's almost like he tries to bring me back down and want him back when I am feeling good. I went away on a trip and he was sad and missed me but was mostly nice. When I came back he was incredible. We were getting along so well ... the second I decided to go out with friends though he came to where I was ... threw his cell phone and demanded I chose my friends or him. It was insane. He said he never wanted to see or talk to me again ... the next day we spoke rationally, he had calmed down ... and we decided to take a "break" ... we are still together and he definitely will not see anyone else (I could explain my certainty but that's a whole other long story) but I'm so terrified of losing him. This decision was mainly mutual but I fall apart the second he pulls away. I had been thinking a break would be a good idea before this all happened. He is trying to work on being more accepting of what I do ... and trying to give me the freedom to see friends but he really struggles because he wants to keep me all to himself. His good side is so incredible, but the few days when he loses it inbetween I don't know what to do. any advice or stories would be helpful, I've been an emotional wreck. We aren't talking for two weeks since we are both out of town at the moment and decided to talk once we're both back. I know you might just say "run away" but I know at this point I won't ... so any help beyond that option would be helpful.
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female
reader, kirstylouise  +, writes (2 August 2006):
I think you have yourself a dilema, however you seem to be doing all the right things - you've taken a break to try and work things out, you've spoken about how the relationship isn't working and you've accepted that he needs to control his temper - these are all really solid foundations to move forward with.
I think honesty is the best policy. Tell him you love him and that when things are good there amazing and when there bad there hell. Although the one thing i would say is be careful how much you emphasise your love for him - he might start to think he can get away with his bad behaviour as you will always come back to him.
When he demanded you choose between him and your friends who did you choose? I know you love him but is anyone worth you being treated like that?
The only thing I could suggest is that you break up, give it sometime so you can both clear your head and get some real perseption on the real situation and then when your both ready you meet up and get to know each other all over again, from scratch. Sometimes people need to loose something before they really start to appreciate it!
I hope you find a solution that makes you happy and please stay save! xxx
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