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male
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*ommybo
writes: I've been with a girl for 7 months now and I am very happy with how the relationship has been going. However there is one thing that bothers me and I need some advice on how to deal with it better. Bascially my girlfriend is more sexually experienced than me and alot of the time I find it hard not to start coparing myself to her past lovers in my mind and how I compare to them. I mean she has told me that one time she slept with a man 18 years older than herself so this automatically makes me worry about how I compare to someone who has that much more experience than me. On one hand I can accept that whats in the past is in the past and obviously this has all happened before we even met but at the same time it does stress me out. I dont want to bring it up with her for fear of her thinking I am being nosey or prying.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 August 2006):
 A little thought you can start with is, "If those other guys were any good, she'd still be with them. But since she isn't..."
Here's a little insight for you to think about, too: women rarely think of sex in the same ways that men do. It isn't about going longer or staying harder or thrusting deeper or *any* of the competitive ideas you might have. Women really go for a lover who's filled with fun ideas, game to give almost anything a go, who's careful and gentle when she wants him to be, but can go for it in a big way when she gives the word.
In other words, women like a man who pays attention to her needs. And being good at *that* takes a special man. It's definitely NOT a competitive sport.
No matter how much older and more "experienced" her previous partners were, they might have been complete losers in bed if all they were interested in was their own orgasm. If they didn't take the time to get to know your girlfriend's quirks and secret fantasies -- and you DO -- then you're going to be ten times the lover any of them were.
So, try to relax. Don't feel like it's some sort of challenge that you have to "win". It's likely that your girlfriend doesn't regard sex that way, so you don't need to either. Look at every sexual encounter as a chance to discover a way to give her that fraction more pleasure, and you'll be the best lover she could ask for.
And... try to have fun.
(wink)
A
female
reader, kirstylouise  +, writes (2 August 2006):
I was recently in a relationship where i was much more experienced than my older partner and i know there were times where he would try and compare himself to them. So Im going to tell you the same thing I told him - it really DOESN'T MATTER, my boyfriend wasn't the best ive ever had nor was he the worst but he made me the happiest. To alot of girls sex is more emotional than physical. Doing things for her like setting the mood with candels and music and telling her how amazing she looks first thing in the morning with no makeup on and bed hair will make her happier than any of her previous partners who were just good in bed. If you wern't satisfying her then she would say! she doen't need to be swinging from the chandeliers to be having the most amazing time of her life. Besides you never know - you just might be the BEST she's ever had!
be confident about your own performance - now thats sexy!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2006): I had a very torrid relationship with a very young, (for me) virile, good-looking man a few years ago. He was amazing in bed, and had an incredible body - but was a complete loser in all other walks of life. He cheated, lied and in the end I only really wanted him for his physical attributes, but needless to say he was seeing loads of other girls at the same time as declaring his 'undying love' for me!!
The man I am with now is just a bit older than me, is an ex rugby player and has had loads of experience, has lots of stamina, is very sexy, does nothing wrong in bed, is a good 'size' and knows lots of different positions etc, - but has never quite satisfied me enough in bed. But you know what? I really love him, feel comfortable with him, and would not trade him for all the toy boys. Indeed, if I were in a bar with him, sure I notice attractive younger men, but just as I notice a nice painting - just visual - they don't make my heart race like my man does!! Catch my drift?? Everyone has their own attributes, and the only one she wants right now is YOU - so no worries, ok?? I am assuming that you have learnt a lot from your girl, and that you ask her what she likes you to do for her in bed, etc... as long as she has discussed this with you - as a close and loving couple should - (and LISTEN!!)..you should have no problems..if you need some fresh ideas, why don't you google for sex positions/techniques on the web? You may just find a few moves to surprise your girl!!! Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2006): the thing with girls is that honestly, we don't really care about how good you are in bed compared to someone else. i mean, don't get me wrong, we like to enjoy it. but if she loves you completely, then it won't matter to her how 'good' this other guy was in bed. even if he was better physically, you're the one she loves now, and she probably doesn't even care. to a girl, emotions are the most important thing during sex, not the physical. so if she loves you, to her, you're probably the best she's ever had. anyway, hope that helps.
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