A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello there! I recently started dating a man who is 20 years older than me. He is 66 and I am 46. We met online and we had an almost immediate connection, at least on an emotional and spiritual level for me, but for him it seems that he feels he is completely in love with me. I do have feelings for him too, but my main issue with him is that he doesn't satisfy me in bed. He has some physical limitations, due to a botched hip surgery. The only position we can do is me on top, which is ok, but he also has some erectile dysfunction so he slips out at times. He likes to go down on me, but I never have an orgasm. I did have one orgasm on top, but overall the sex is just not that great. I have told him that I am not having orgasms ans he seems to think that it is my problem, due to not being relaxed enough or something. It is not that at all. He is just not making me orgasm. I just don't see myself in a long term relationship with someone who can't satisfy me in bed. Sex has been amazing for me in my 40's. But I really care for him other than that. He is funny and bright and we have a lot of fun together. How do I tell him how I feel about the sex? I don't see how I can tell him without hurting his feelings, but its a problem. Any suggestions?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Fate100percent  +, writes (16 July 2011):
Sex is not the be all and end all.
Perhaps you just need to experiment a bit more? Or go to the docs to see if they can help? (with medicine, counselling etc?) It's worth a shot, as you seem to have found a guy that you really enjoy his company, and that's worth alot.
If you can orgasm on your own, then show him what you like (after all men have hands and a tongue aswell as a penis!) Don't give up on him yet. x
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 July 2011):
 Good question, men never know how to really please their mate ,so I'll defer to beter judgemets
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (16 July 2011):
 Since you were quite forthright about the difficulties I will be the same in my reply.
Would he give you oral sex, and would you be happy if that brought you to climax?
Sex is just a part of a relationship. One actually spends a lot of time talking and doing other things. However I realise sometimes you can beat plain old physicality. Now you have to ask yourself the question, and listen to the answer you give yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2011): First of all, your relationships should never be based on sex. Sex is important but it's not the most important thing in a relationship. Having that connection/chemistry is more important and it seems you have it. Dont tell him the sex isnt good, that would indeed hurt his feelings if he's a sensitive guy, especially if he has physical limitations. Instead try give tips and/or try different things to get you to that climax you're so desperately seeking. Idk, only you know what you want and how you want it to get you to an orgasm. Help him by telling him what gets you there without saying he's not getting you there.
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