A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've divorced my husband after 18 years together. I've met this man 20 years older than me. I dont like that big age gap. However he is a caring person and I find me attracted to him. A year on I dont find his wrinkles false teeth and big body attracted to me anymore. He always talks about old time and can fall asleep on the sofa while he is watching telly. I like being loved but is he too old for me. Im really confused in this realtionship. Please advice.
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male
reader, jimrich +, writes (19 September 2010):
re: Im really confused in this relationship. Please advice.
.... I'd say your are CODEPENDENT in the relationship. Codependents are very NEEDY and fall for anyone who will give them a little attention. They don't know what 'love' is because love to them means NEED - desperate, clingy NEED to make up for their severe lack of self worth and good self esteem.
Codependents often come from an unhappy childhood and search endlessly for their long lost Daddy such as your old guy.
google: Codependency and learn about your condition and how to repair it.
good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): Tennisstar88 say's it all - I will just add, I believe you're in this relationship as a stop gap, because you are afraid of being single and taking control of your own life.
After being married for so long, you probably are so accustomed to having someone around, always being a couple, you have settled for this guy to fill that space/void in your life.
He is twenty years older, and how he looks and acts, is in keeping with that, so it's you who needs to extract herself from this relationship in a kind and sensitive way, and ensure you don't end up in another relationship just to have a man around. Be selective, wait until you feel the guy meets MOST of your expectations, and you have a connection and physical attraction.
Jilly
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): The question isn't - is he too old for you, but - are you happy with him? If You are not happy and doesn't feel like you wanna be with this guy then don't be. Ask yourself the hard question "He loves me but do I live him?"
NightFairy
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A
female
reader, SweetHeart94 +, writes (10 September 2010):
the age gap would be difficult for you I can tell. You have to think about yourself in this situation. Will you be able to enjoy him in 10 years? Is there a future with children? Is this someone you could be with for a long time? Your putting yourself in this place and you want to make sure the decision you make will make you happy. You guys could still be friends but you have years and years to go out and have a few more relationships. Remember happiness=love :)
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Well if you're put off by the age gap, false teeth, and couch potato physique then why are you still with him? He sounds old enough to potentially be your father. Who doesn't like to be loved? But that's not a reason to be in a relationship. There has to be some kind of physical attraction, you need to have a connection, be on the same level, and like this person. I see none of the above here. You're in it for the wrong reasons..politely break-up with him and seek someone near your age.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Assumig you are between 41 and 50 as the bio says then he's between 61 and 709I used a calculator) as a 66 year old man myself i can predict an escalating problem . He will age poorly compaired to you and you should be ready for the bad times. Caring for an older man is very demanding. we don't mean to be that way we just are. I'd recomend you really do some serious soul searching. Just because he's caring(we all are in our older years) doesn't mean he's the one for you, so my answer to you is probably not.
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