A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so. I've had a crush on a teacher for probably 3 years-ish. He's a mentor of mine and has been since coming to my new school. I'm in grade 12 this year and he is 29 so obviously there's a bit of an age gap but I have a lot of feelings for him. I've tried to shake them over the past three years but anytime I see him I get weak knees. Even when I had a boyfriend I still felt like I wasn't content because I kept thinking about him. Anytime I sit in his office to talk I get butterflies and blush(it's a good thing his lights are dim or he'd see!) We both keep eye contact for more than a minute and he always knows when I'm hiding things from him. In fact, there are some times where neither of us will talk we'll just stare into each others eyes for 10-15 seconds. He always has a little smile on his face when we talk and isn't afraid to be serious or joke around (like how much my favorite hockey team is soooo much better than his :P) Anytime there's a break for more than week I miss him terribly. If I'm upset he'll console me by rubbing my knee or by simply staring right in my eyes and telling me that I'm safe in his office. He'll walk me out of his office and talk with me while I walk with him to his car to start it at the end of the day and we'll walk back into the school together. I know that he's a teacher so he'd get fired but I wish that I'd graduate right NOW so I could have more contact with him. But the problem is that I'm not sure how his feelings are towards me. Not to mention the ridicule I'd get from my friends or the ridicule he'd receive from his friends, that'd make things tough. I know that as a teacher he has a separate life so I don't know everything about him, but it seems like he shares more with me than other students. Like his birthday, when a family member passed away he shared that with me and I consoled him and when one of my family members passed on he used his own death experiences to relate to mine instead of just saying the regular counselor stuff. He also shared when his girlfriend left him and how much he'd been grieving. It just seems like he looks at me differently, also - in the hallway,even if it's full of other students, he'll make the effort to say hello to me but not anyone else. How am I supposed to know if he has any feelings for me at all? And if he does how should I express that I share the same feelings? Should I wait a few months after I graduate?I'm just confused with what to do and need some advice... does he like me more than he should?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat was pretty straight forward, but I appreciate the fact that you didn't sugar coat it :) He isn't married or dating so I wouldn't be a side thing but I know what you mean. I plan to keep in contact for sure but I've never thought about asking for his number because I have his email... I figured I'd just ask to go for coffee or something small and casual to just talk and see if the feelings are mutual and dinner later.I'm on the basketball team and there's even times when he continually asks if they still need a male chaperon for the trip and says he'd like to see me play sooooo.... yes waiting will suck but I'm hoping it'll pay off... if nothing else I want a good friendship out of all this... even though that'd be tough
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): this honestly sounds like it sucks. but alot of older men are looking for a young girl on the side so they can get in their pants and their real relationship wont be jeopardized. (i had a married coach screwing my girlfriend for two months) if i was you i would wait a few months untill your out of highschool. just wait it out. if the feelings are real he will wait to. if your friends will rag on you for being in any relationship with him they arent real friends. what people say doesnt mattter. its all about you and him being happy. no one else matters. get his number on the last day of school and go out and eat with him. dont go back to his place. you dont want to come off easy because then you wont ever know if he wants you or your cooter. dont give it up untill you know for sure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd I would never tell anyone because his job would be in jeopardy. I just keep to myself and I don't let others catch me staring ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's actually pretty helpful, thanks.
Yea, the female over plays things in the cruelest of ways haha
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): Hey there, by reading your question I really do sense that he sees you in a different light to your peers. Unfortunately, many people will be blunt and tell you it's a "silly school girl crush"...or, "he's a mature, sophisticated man and your a hormonal teenager - what do you expect?" but I myself am in the exact same position and can completely relate to your frustration.
Forgetting that he's your teacher and your his student, you obviously get on like a house on fire, you probably have a lot in common whether it's similar music taste or other similar interests that allows you to have natural, laid back conversation. This may be so, but you have to remember that he may just think of you as a wonderful young girl who he hopes will maintain an innocent friendship with him in the future. It's easy to get carried away in your train of thought whenever something like prolonged eye contact happens or if he says something you think singles you out as being someone he likes more than the others in your class, but don't be rash, you may be taking it the wrong way (us females usually read into things too much, it sucks, doesn't it?)
I wish I had an easy answer for you, but in brief, leave your feelings until you graduate. If you expressed your feelings to him now you risk him getting into trouble, or becoming awkward around you if he doesn't feel the same (which unfortunately, is a possibility). Why ruin a perfectly healthy relationship when it could blossom into something beautiful in a matter of years?
From one troubled student to another, I hope everything works out in the long run. It's only one year until I leave school for university, and I'm already planning on inviting him out for a drink when I do so, even just as friends I would be more than happy, but we'll see.
"What's meant for you won't go past you" as the saying goes.
Take care x
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