A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Been working at Starbucks for about a year now, it's right next to my uni business school. There's a guy who's been coming in for the last few months and is pretty lush hehe, blond, blue eyes, muscular and wears our uni rugby T shirt, he's rly tall and flirts with me a lot too (always smiling etc.!) :love:Only problem is there's a girl who joined this summer and he seems to have a thing for her. Shes admittedly goodlooking (slim, athletic and never eats anything from the cafe..), we're about as pretty equally facial wise though (but she never wears much makeup and still looks like Nina dobrev which is annoying...) He flirts with her too as she flirts with anything with a pulse n does this stupid ditzy face, and I heard him whispering she was a "cute little thing" to his mate one time when she couldn't even use the till! which rly ticked me off.I think I have a chance with him bc he does always smile and "banter" with me too. I have high standards and don't usually date rugby player gym going types bc they're obsessed with being healthy, but he's pretty tall (like 6"5) so Ill make an exception lol. But I can get him to choose me over her? is it too late if he thinks shes cute as? I have more of a "real woman" type figure which I know some of these rugby types can't handle.If a guy flirts with two chicks does the second one have a chance? He does always say hi to her even if its me taking his order but hes smiling and jokin with me too :(
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (30 November 2017):
 I think that all this is just cafe banter on his part. There´s many a time when we all go out to a familiar place and are very friendly with the staff there... that doesn´t mean that it means anything...
Also, I doubt that there is a competition going on here but the fact that you think there is and keep comparing yourself to this other chick suggests that you´re a bit insecure and out of your element. That is the first thing that I picked up.
Look, you may be his type or you may not be his type but that shouldn´t matter. I don´t think that it´s anything serious.
Then again, I could be wrong.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2017): I can't tell really but in general guys are attracted to thin girls, that is why dieting and weight loss programs are such a big business. So I would say you are at a disadvantage there.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 November 2017):
 He's been coming in for the last few months and is still just flirty and friendly? He's not really interested in either of you as potential girlfriend material I would guess, or he already has a girlfriend (or even boyfriend)and is just being flirty because that is his way.
You need to look further afield for potential boyfriends and not concentrate all your efforts on this one guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2017): It seems you're the one assuming there is some sort of competition going on.
He seems to simply be flirting, and hasn't asked either of you for a number, or a date. So I guess he's not really that interested in either of you. I guess he's leaning towards the other girl; if he points her out to his mates and tends to offer her more attention. He may already have a girlfriend; and all this is nothing more than flirting.
You just assume it has all to do with appearance; never-mind her personality and how they connect. If you've got this thing about what you think guys prefer; you probably get a little snippy with him and your co-worker. Jealousy shows!
You're holding contempt for her because of her looks. Yet you don't think the guys should appreciate her for her looks. He has as much right to his preference as you have not being particularly interested in athletic types.
I don't think guys and ladies who stay fit should be hated anymore than anyone who doesn't. That doesn't make them bad for preferring someone who appreciates a healthy lifestyle. What you call a real woman's body is a matter of opinion. What men see in women and what women see are two different things.
Slim-shamming is no better than weight-shaming someone for their size or body-type. To each his own, and nobody deserves to be mistreated or shown disdain in either case.
You may not be his type, and your weight and body-type may have little or nothing to do with it.
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A
female
reader, blindfoldpin  +, writes (28 November 2017):
First, you can't make him pick. Ask him out. accept his answer. but also this line stuck out to me"If a guy flirts with two chicks does the second one have a chance?" Single people can flirt with as many people as they like and as many as none and all can have a chance. He could even take both of you on multiple dates. He's not tied to either of you because he talks to you both.More importantly, fix your issue with slender women. What does her eating at the cafe have to do with her attractiveness other than a slight dig that maybe she has an eating disorder and thats why shes pretty? You are not more of "real woman" because you are overweight and she isn't. If anything that attitude makes you less of a woman and more of a child. People are attracted to happy, kind, pleasant people that don't need to tear others down to make themselves look better. If you wanted to impress him instead of being annoyed that someone was attracted to her when she was having trouble with the till, offer to help her.
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A
male
reader, PJ Roy  +, writes (28 November 2017):
Well, considering how you're into this "really tall" thing... are you attached? Would you consider dropping a boyfriend for this "really tall" beau?
Have you got other guys in your periphery that you flirt with too?
If so, then you've established that it works both ways, and so, yes, you do have a chance
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 November 2017):
 My take on this?
You can't. You can't do ANYTHING to make him chose EITHER of you.
He might not even BE interested in EITHER of you. Even if he thinks the other girl is a "cute little thing" it doesn't MEAN he wants to DATE her or anything. For all, you know...
He might have a GF.
He might flirt with ANY girl with a pulse.
It might just be a game for him.
And I agree you need to grow up and stop being petty because some GUY (who you don't even know- he could be a total assclown) complimented another girl. SO what that she is skinnier? Or look like some actress? Or that she knows how to get attention?
The whole putting other women down to try and make yourself look better it's... not attractive.
Look, IF this guy was interested in ANY of you and not just getting a cup of coffee and get his flirt on he will ask EITHER of you out and there is NO way you can make him "choose" you over her.
My guess is... he isn't interested. I have worked as a bartender and got hit on a million and one times - NOT because they thought I was someone they would want to date but because:" hey, she is a cute blond that serves me beverages!!". When they WEREN'T busy chasing skirts, dancing, drinking they simply ENJOYED being at the bar flirting and having banter. It made them feel like they were someone special! And it made my evening go faster so why not?
HAVE fun with the flirting but do NOT read more into it than what is really going on. A really cute, gorgeous guy flirting with you doesn't equate to OMG! He wants to date me!! He must REALLY like me!!
Flirting is how some people interact and get a "free" ego rub. NOTHING more.
Sorry.
And OP, if a guy can't handle a more womanly body type the guy is NOT for you. No matter how gorgeous he is.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (28 November 2017):
 How could we possibly know?
You're going to have to ask him if you want an answer. What's with the negativity to the other girl also? She couldn't use the till properly so you got annoyed because he said she's cute? I think you need to grow up a little if you're in the age category you state and that's your attitude to someone you don't even know because your crush complimented her.
If you want to know if you have a chance, ask him out.
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