A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My friends wanted me to go with them to this Halloween thing last week, but I'm really squeamish and scared easily so I didn't wanna go. I didn't wanna tell them though, so I lied and said I had something important to do that day.Now I know you're thinking, "Why didn't you want to be honest and tell them you didn't wanna go?".Because in our circle of friends there was another girl who was just like me and didn't want to go, and she told our friends she didn't wanna go, but they pressured her into going anyways, so I lied to get out of it.Anyways, so yesterday they found out I lied, and they're super pissed at me now. I didn't think it was that big of a deal so I'm not showing remorse and I'm not telling them I'm sorry because I'm honestly not. They think I'm being a bitch for not saying sorry, but even if I did I wouldn't mean it.Now all of my friends are avoiding me and being awful to me. They told me that if I buy them lunch for them today, we'll be even, so I did, but they're still mad!! And in class they told everyone and everyone sided with them and started yelling at me and it was the worst feeling in the world.What should I do? Please help :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 Don't lie to protect your ideas and preferences. Ever. If you are the type that can't stand up for herself and yields to peer pressure, obviously you need to change that , but how can you change if you don't practice, if you are never challenged ? Too bad, the Halloween party would have been a good chance for learning the art of just saying no. Maybe this time you'd have resisted a bit, and then you would have ended with yielding anyway, - and the next time you'd have resisted more etc. etc. You HAVE to start this process some time, being assertive is something you can - and must - learn, but for doing it you need to not run away from challenges.
Anyway, what's done is done. I would stop paying attention to the subject and bringing it up, it's all high school drama anyway and in a few days if you don't freak out it will have boiled down and all you guys will be ready to ...move to the next drama:).
But, if you want to use this too as an exercise in maturity and communication skills, you could call up your friends and say the truth. Say yes, you realize that you lied and this is wrong, and you apologize. But you did it because you know how insistent and nagging and, yes, prevaricating they can be , and you wanted to avoid that. So , it's true that a good friend does not lie, - and it's also true that good friends never boss you around or
pester you to make you do what they want- so why don't we all please start with a clean slate from now on and deal which other in a mature way ?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): Hey. I went through the exact same thing too. Lied that I was sick to get out of a stupid trick or treat gathering (and this year lied to get out of Halloween horror nights!! Lol) basically let me tell you this: nobody can force you to do anything you're not comfortable with. Period. You don't even have to apologize. You did nothing wrong. You did not want to go for a valid reason, you don't like scary things. That's understandable. any friends who "force" you to do anything aren't friends. Just jerks. Lift your chin and ignore them. Seriously. They're immature.
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