A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my fiance' for three years. She moved here from another state to be with me. Being recently divorced, I am broke. I did not want to lose her so I continued to spend money and shower her with "things". I charged more. Became more in debt. I lied about my finances, because I did not want her to leave me. We are best friends and soulmates. She left me and moved back home. I am a mess? I lied because I loved her.
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best friend, debt, divorce, fiance, money, soulmate Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (23 March 2009):
 I am sure you have heard the cliche that honesty is the best policy.
Sure you may love her but did she like being with you because you bought her or because she liked being with you, the person?
If you had been honest with her from the start maybe you would not be in this situation now.
Even if she had left long ago because of your financial situation you would be in a better situation now because you would not have spent all that money on false hopes.
Always be honest with anyone you meet, especially one that you may have hopes of spending the rest of your life with. Doc
A
female
reader, baby_black  +, writes (23 March 2009):
you should have told her everything from the start.. and love isn't measured with money or anything. if you want to get her back, pull yourself up together first, then like court her again, and if she doesn't want you back because you're broke, i guess she's not that into you. maybe you just have to move forward and and have a new life..
"it takes two to tango"..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): Your short story tells me three things:
1. You don't have a problem falling in love (having been married, and then having a new fiancee.)
2. You have a problem managing your finances and doing what's is best for you.
3. You have been willing to lie, in the interests of love, and it has let you down.
Your life lessons, based on this story, are:
1. that sometimes doing what is best for you is best for the people you love too, and the love you share between you. That means being responsible and learning to say no.
2. Lying, even when you have the best intentions, can have really bad consequences.
If you can learn to get on top financially, and be true to yourself, you will succeed in life. I can't say if your lady will still be there, but succeeding in these areas are your best shot at managing to keep her. Even if not, succeeding in these areas will help you succeed when love does come round to you.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): well hun, im not sure what you want anyone on here to do or tell you, but i think that you lied to her because you were ashamed. i think if you are truely in love you wouldnt have lied. since you did, just give her some space, let her think about things... maybe in a few days, call her up, and if she doesnt answer, leave her a message. let her know why you lied, how much you love her, what would you do to get her back? how do you feel about what you did?? things like that. and people only lie about things they think is a big deal. why did you think that you being in debt would make her leave you? why was it a big deal to you. lett her know that as well... good luck
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A
female
reader, pinkjet +, writes (23 March 2009):
She probably had an idea about your financial situation, so you may have been used. however, beginning a relationship based on lies always crumbles. a good book to read right now is 'Who Moved my Cheese'.You will recover financially and emotionally with time.
Wishing you the best,
Aqua Girl
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A
male
reader, Jason means Healer  +, writes (23 March 2009):
Eh, dude! Did she leave you because you lied, or because the wonga dried up?
Be very clear in your mind about that!
I'm gonna say something a little cruel and I hope you'll forgive me.
I can't afford ANY woman (of course, I don't mean all...)
Perhaps, just perhaps you simply can't afford THIS one right NOW.
A reality check is the basis of living within your means in the future.
And trust me, I've just finished with an expensive girlfriend and I know all about it.
Was she worth it?
Then? YES. Now? NO!
And the strangest thing of all? My new girlfriend has an art of not being expensive and the things that I buy her seem to just have so much more MEANING than all the gratuitousness of the last one.
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