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male
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anonymous
writes: I am engaged to a wonderful 23-year old girl. I was married once before and have two young daughters from that marriage that she has become very close with. Well, at the time that I met her a year ago I was in a semi-successful music group that was being looked at by major record labels. Myself and the guys in my band had all shaved one year off of our ages two years before this for press reasons. Well, needless to say I got so used to doing this that I actually started believing "the lie" myself. So, when I met her I told her I was 28 when I was in fact 29. Well I have procrastinated about rectifying this, and now we are engaged. she thinks I am turning 30 this month when in fact I am turning 31, as well her family thinks this. I am very ashamed of this and my concscience is killing me. But, I am afraid that this will be a deal breaker. It is the only thing that I have lied to her about. I know that I have to tell her, but I am scared to death. please help......
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): I have a wonderful boyfriend that im with for 5 months now. And it doesnt feel like 5 months, more like forever. I truly love him. But the lying about my age had become a problem to myself and it been killing me consiously. I realized i had to tell him sooner or later, because in relationships, it cant not be build upon a major lie like this, a lie about your identification. So, i as going to tell him on our 7 month,8,9, or maybe so 1 year later. But i was scared, i was scared to tell him. That maybe things would come to a devasted end..But just a day ago, news got to him and he confronted me that was it true that i had lied to him? I kept stuttering, my heart pounded, and for a minute, i just didnt know what to do. I felt like i was threatened, that my love life was going to end. Its not what i wanted.But he told me he loved me very much, and that i didnt mean any harm. But he was really shocked by the fact my real age compared to him is 8 years of range. I was really scred that he was going to end it. But after a while, he had made a decision and told me eveyrthing will be okay, and that he loved me and he never wanted to leave me. But yet i feel everything is really different. I feel like our faith is starting to dissolve and everything isnt what it was like.But all im saying is if that person really loved you, then it wouldn't matter how old you are. Why would that matter. Maybe for the fact that you had lied, lied to her for so long, but im sure if she loves you. SHe would sacrafice and forgive you for what you did.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2005): look m8 i did the same thing but the difference was that my boyfriend was 7 years older than me not 1 i ended up doing things io shudnt i lied for a long period of time and at the begining i werent even legally old enuf to av sex so you shud tell er b4 u ruin a gr8 relationship
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005): Okay in all fairness its only one year not five or more so thats a good thing .. you have got to tell her sooner rather than later because soon she will come across something like a driving licence or something with your date of birth on it .. explain it just like you have here im sure she will understand its a simple mistake that you didnt know how to get out of once you realised what you did.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005): I don't think that she will be upset. ONE year is not a big deal, I would honestly laugh about it, although it HAS been kept for quite some time. One year is not that bad though, I'm almost positive it won't be a deal-breaker. She should understand, at least I know I would. She will however have a lot of questions... Mainly "Why?" Just explain to her the truth, that is all you have to do. If the reasons you state don't have any tie in to her, then she should be fine.I actually dated a guy (and really liked him!) That I met while waitressing when I was 18. He told me he was 26, and I was a little hesistant at first but 26 didn't sound too bad, plus I needed a mature guy. Well we ended up dating and sleeping together, the whole works for about 3 weeks (very soon I know) and I was really into him. Then one night when I got off of work and went over to his house, I felt really strange, I said, "You're not 26 are you?" And he just looked at me... so I continued to ask how old he is... He was 33 years old! 15 years older than me! I was really hurt that someone would lie about their age to IMPRESS me. So I had to cut it off because my parents would NOT approve whatsoever. Anyways, back to you and why this situation is much much worse... You are 30 (plus 1) so tell them... tell everyone. Tell her how bad you feel and how you even started to believe the lie. Don't say anything, but I'm sorry. Don't make excuses, just explain why you did it and ask her to forgive you because she means so much to you. She will be a bit confused, but in the end she will be relieved and so will you!
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