A
male
age
51-59,
*arywh
writes:I regret not moving out to South Africa to be with my girlfriend. I dithered so much that she eventually got fed up of waiting for me and met someone else. I'm totally devastated. I pray that she will forgive me and take me back as now I would sell my house and quit my job immediately to be with her right now, but she says it's too late. I'm 35 and becoming aware of mortallity, how can I live with myself after letting the girl of my dreams and the love of my life slip through my hands because I feared such a big change in my life???? I live in pain every day knowing I messed up. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): Thanks for the update, I'm sorry things have worked out this way for you. Take care of you, and I wish you luck.
A
male
reader, garywh +, writes (22 May 2008):
garywh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all your replies.... Wow, Shelly, I have to say I was soooooo tempted by your idea to go out to South Africa and try and convince her as to how much I love her and hope she would take me back. It may work, but it could make things worse, and I couldn't bear knowing she hated me, because at the moment she's told me she doesn't. I went as far as to look for flights there, cos as it happens I'm on leave next week. But a long chat with my brother quickly brought me back down to earth........ Katie & Diovan, I will take your advice as it's also the same as my brother's. I have to move on with my life, just like my now ex-gf is doing, and learn from this mistake. I have to make positive decisions about things I can control, like creating more opportunities formyself so I can choose between several paths to follow instead of just one which is such a long shot...... Anonymous, you also may be right, but I can't know what I'd do unless the circumstance came around again, I suppose we shall see. Thank You all again, I appreciate the time you took to consider my situation and answer with such honesty. You've been a great help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): I have a feeling that, like most men, you only want what you can't have now. Given a do-over or second chance, I suspect you'd revert back to dithering over it. You showed her what you wanted and it wasn't to be with her, whatever your reasons (and you must've had some). Don't toy with her again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): You made a mistake, you hurt her and made her cry. You have told her how you feel. Unfortunately she is now with somebody else and is no longer interested. You could try writing her a letter telling her how you feel, but I fear it will not cause her to come back, it will however help you deal with the regret, as you will have the knowledge that least this time you tried to do everything in your power to win her back.
We all make mistakes and we all have regrets. I'm sorry for your pain, one day it will go away. This is not the right girl for you. Who knows what might happen and who may come into your future at a later date. Take care of you.
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A
female
reader, Katie-cola +, writes (21 May 2008):
There is no point living i fear of the mistakes you have made. There is no garantee that you would have stopped together once out there. I know it seems hard, but the best thing to do is hold your head up high and move on.
Your ex gf should know what you are willing to do for her and i know it sounds harsh but it looks like she has moved on with her life. If she wanted you that much she would give you another go.
If you are willing to give up that much to be with a girl, then date again and show someone else just how great you are and be devoting to them. Its your ex who is missing out on having a guy that cares for her so much. Yes everyone makes mistakes and if your moved on then she will soon realise what she has missed out on.
My friend gave up everything to move to America with her bf of 6 years, but once they were there it all changed and she had to move back and set up life again. She regretted doing that, but everyone makes decisions they are not happy with, but you need to realise them and move on. I know its hard but it will work out better for you in the long run.
Hope this helps. xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): How long ago did she move? Contact her...send a letter or an email and pour your heart out. Tell her what youve just told us.
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A
female
reader, shellycammon  +, writes (21 May 2008):
You should plan a trip out there! show her you are serious. women are hopeless romantics and if you show up in south africa at her door step she will see how much you love her and are willing to sacrifice for her. DONT SELL YOUR HOUSE YET! just make a vacation out of it and spend time with her and when the time is right ask her if she would take you back because you are very much in love with her still and i bet that she also has feelings for you too even though she wont admit it. does she have another boyfriend? if she does then maybe asking to come visit her would be better than just showing up. because as much as you love her you want her to be happy even if that doesnt mean with you.
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