A
female
age
51-59,
*omethings_still_missing
writes:ok, i am new to this site.i am at logger heads with myself. me and my ex were together for 5 years, we met on the net, chatted a few weeks before i saw a pic and then i panicked cos he wasn't what i hoped for..by this time we were already getting on great. he asked if he could still come over as a friend and to cook me a promised meal (he's a chef) and i agreed. blow me, i fell for him immediately... and he didn't leave..instead he gave up his flat miles away.i have 3 children from previous relationships (2) but my partner did his best to take them on and do all he could for them.from day one though we have had everything against us. Ex's causing trouble, social services involvement with my older child, court cases, custody battles etc.we ended up splitting just last october, we still have strong feelings for each other... and whats more me and he have a beautiful little 2 year old that we dote on.he still wants me back... i'm scared. my older children are now not a problem as my eldest has his own place and is doing ok, though wants to move closer to home. my daughter is giving it a go at her dads and seems very happy with the arrabngement and we talk more now than ever. and my remaining older child is going into the army (royal engineers) this september.i'm not sure if too much water has gone under the bridge for me and him to now be happy. i want to give it a go as of course there is nothing in the way of that now, i am working, self employed and am very successful and he too has a good job... but the question of how to leave the past in the past is still niggling me something terrible.any advice out there.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 May 2008):
 Delete all your past or wipe your slate clean and start a fresh all over again.
If any past opinions popped up in your brain,
psyche yourself , it is different now.
Give it another chance .
Look to the future and live in the present.
Leave the past behind.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): YAY!!! Im so happy that youre talking! :-D
We are always here to chat too... I hope everything goes great with it, give it time and go with the flow!! :-DD
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A
female
reader, somethings_still_missing +, writes (21 May 2008):
somethings_still_missing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for all of the lovely emails. i've asked him round for a talk tonight after work. i suppose i just needed a little push in the right direction. hopefully we can sort this out.
thank you all again
karen x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): The kids are gone (well bar one) Hopefully the social workers are gone too, or at least eased of. The man sounds nice and caring. Your situation has changed, I see no reason for you not to try to start up a romantic relationship with this man. Good luck and take care of you.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (21 May 2008):
 Sometimes we meet people at the wrong time and it doesnt work but it doesnt mean you cant have another chance. if you dont you may regret it all your life and stumble from one bad relationship to the next not really knowing what youre looking for. I say true love never dies and if you can have a chance at happiness then go for it. If it doesnt work then at least you've tried. Start with a clean slate and dont bring up the past or throw it in each others faces but concentrate on the future. I wish you luck xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): Im amazed at how negative some people can be!
I truely believe that if you love someone then it can work.
Yes there is a lot in the past, but this is somehting that I used to do when i was getting over things in my past. Each time something comes up, and its in the past and you want it to be over and done with, write it on a little peice of paper, and have a special candle that you burn it with, in the garden or something!
You could do it as a little ritual with your partner, it jsut makes it clear to you that you accept the thing, but youve let it go, its over and not part you you any more...
Just a thought, it really helped me get over some stuff in my life!
I would say give it a go, he sounds liek a great guy, things sound like theyve calmed down a bit, and you have a little boy together! Theres nothing to loose by trying and everything to gain...
:-D I hope it all works out for you!
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A
female
reader, Lonely_B  +, writes (21 May 2008):
You love him,he loves you.What you are waiting for?Life is one there is no another world where you can be together.Your childrens are not a big problem,they are just a childrens.You carry for them,you love them but you need love from some man and he is ahead of you.Don't waste any time,you are very lucky because you love the one who loves you.And the past...you need to let go.Nobody will tell you how,that is left to your heart and mind.Live your life,don't waste it anymore.You don't deserve that.Open the door and see the world,find your love and be very happy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): Dont take him back. It never works after the first time- there was a reason you split up and chances are all will be rosy for a year or so and then things will go down hill.
Find someone totally new.
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