A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my ex-girlfriend and I broke up about a year ago, and since them we remained friends. Her reason for breaking up with me was because she had to concentrate on school and she didn't want to struggle with choosing to give her time to her family or me. We stayed friends since them, but she has always been hard to read. There are times where it felt like she wanted to stay friends so that when she felt comfortable, we could get back together. And there are times where it felt like she wanted to move on. She's always saying she wants to move on, and when I tell I'm ready to let go as well, she gets upset. Its really really confusing. A few months ago she was going to start a new job at another country. She said she had wanted me to be there when she left, but as I was on my way to the airport...she told me another guy she was interested in was going to be there as well. And she made it clear she prefered him over me. I said good bye anyway, and left before the guy showed up. Before I left, she said she liked receiving my letters before and she hoped I'd make more. And I did, made her messages on facebook a few times a month. But she rarely(once every two months) acknowledge them and she never returned a message like mine. I told her about my life and stuff, but I was always left in the dark. Never telling me anything about her life, always saying that she'll write to me next time. I knew why, she was too busy with work and the other things in her life. I understand that, but a month ago I thought I deserved at least a little more effort. It didn't feel right to me to to do so much, and get nothing. I know people get busy, but I remembered a saying. "If people who care about you have no time, they'll make time." I wrote a message a month ago telling her that I was going to let go. It didn't feel right for me to hold on anymore. It didn't feel like there was room for me in her life anymore, and I wished her the best. And I thought it would be better for her as well, so that she wouldnt feel obligated to acknowledge my messages anymore. A month passed before she finally read my message and replied. She accused me of not understanding her situation. And most of all, she said she still had feelings for me. She said she felt heart-broken, her trust betrayed. I was left speechless I guess. I wanted to apologize, but at the same time I feel I have nothing to feel sorry for. I thought I made the best decision for me, and she didn't let me in her life. I didn't feel like I was a part of it anymore. I tried calling her, but she just hung up. Did I make the right decision?
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female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (2 December 2012):
 In addition to everything CindyCares said, I think she was enjoying being chased by you. She didn't want to be in a relationship with you, but she liked the attention she was getting from you - so she threw you a bond every once in a while, to give you just enough hope to continue the chase.
You made the right decision. She's thinking only of her needs, and that doesn't make for a healthy relationship of any kind - friendship or romantic.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 December 2012):
 Absolutely,if you ask me. Your ex sounds extremely self-centered, it 's all about her and what's best for her- you were like an afterthought.
She put you on the shelf, out of the way but conveniently ready to be retrieved at her leisure, - what are you, an umbrella? a pair of gloves ?
But, that I can understand it ( not justify it ) - it takes two to tango, since apparently you never protested for this hot and cold treatment, for her confusing fickleness,- you never told her , until recently," no darling, we can't stay friends only when it suits you, either we DO stay friends with all that a real friendship entails, or you move on and get the f... out of my life ", - I guess she could assume, or officially pretend to assume , that you were cool with the status quo, otherwise you'd had said something.
What instead smacks to me of REALLY manipulative, is that when you get fed up and say goodbye, she gets upset and confess " having feelings".Oh yeah ? Must have been overwhelming feelings, if she waited one month before even reading your last message ! she wasn't even curious enough to see what you wanted to tell her, for all she knew you might have written her " bad news, I found out that I have a deadly disease and only 3 months left to live " ( touch wood ). If that how she treats her " friends " whom supposedly she cares about... imagine how she treats all the other people !
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