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anonymous
writes: i am in a dilema because i have been married for 24 years,we dont have a lot in common anymore,we used to share a religious belief but ayear ago i left.i have lost my friends and her family through this,although i still have love for her im finding it hard to live with her.i have met someone else who means a lot to me but have not persued it because i feel bad about leaving my wife and 2 teenage children(18 and 20)it gets more complicated,i am so unhappy and im making her unhappy, what do i do ? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (24 December 2006):
 You must lat your cards on the table. Did you lose contact with these people because you changed religion. If so, it's no loss. Any religion that would not associate with someone because he chooses to participate is very narrow minded.
1. You have identifired a problem.
2. Have you tried to solve it.
3. Does you wife know what's going on.
4. You've already started the decline into the land on no return. Each step you take from this point will make it more difficult to rebuild with your wife. You must be honest with yourself. You're attracted to another woman. Each day you let pass without trying to rekindle what you had, will bring you closer to the other lady.
At this point, you have thoughts. The next steps will be meeting this other woman, then youching, a kiss, sex ....Each step further down the slope will make it harder for your wife to forgive you.
If you are determined to leave your wife, do it like a morally decent human being. Do not let this attraction for the other lady develop until you are single. That would make you a cheater and nobody would ever remember all the reasons you actually slip up. It would always come back to that point.
Talk to a family therapist quick. The longer you let this fester, the worse it will get. You will start to live what you're thinking and the it's too late.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2006): Tough thing to go through,i was once here, took me awhile toget over the emptiness of not having them in my life.
What you feel is ,that 24 years is nt only a wife but because she was there everyday for most of your life,she was more then that,it had become friends,best friends,truley the half you talked toeveryday,still did everyday things with although,you still love her,meaning you care for her ,dont want anything to happen to her for that reason, you have shared a lifetime together.
The gap i found gets wider between two ppl as the age in things of common interest,both grow to their own accord and to their own intrest.My boys were 20 and 21 when i finally threw in the towel a year ago,Both boys now speak openly about ,they knew somehting was wrong as they were younger,both agreed that it was time to make myself happy instead of me always putting family first.
My husband eventually came around,and realised that the in love and the sharing of similiar intrest was gone aswell.We do still talk almost everyday by phone,we get together and have dnner once or twice a week.By all means we have shared alot of years together,so we both realise that was what held us together in the end.
I guess all i can offer really is ,it is hard,but if you truley feel it is nothing more then just a caring, loving feeling for your wife at this point because you shared so many years together,that you let go and respect time will heal all.This way both you and your wife may find happiness with another,and one that matches and truley makes the other feel loved in everyway possible. the kids are adults now and will understand it more.
Good Luck
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