A
female
age
41-50,
*erinity
writes:Long story short, my husband is an alcoholic. I've actually had to leave him because it had gotten so bad. We've been separated for nearly 2 months now and he is begging and begging for me to come back. I keep telling him that he needs to get help before I can come back (especially since we have children). He finally came to church with me this past Sunday and was "saved", which is a good start. But he hasn't been going to AA meetings like he is supposed to be (ordered by ASAP). I really want him to get help and I'd like to save our marriage. So, would it be tacky for me to ask him if he wants to go on a date with me tonight, treat him to dinner and then stop in at an AA meeting afterwards? And if I do it, should I tell him before hand or just show up at the meeting and then tell him? Any suggestions? Thanks in advance
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female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (16 October 2007):
 One last thing...purchase the AA book, otherwise known as their "Bible"...and read the chapter that is "To The Wives". It's very helpful to you and to what is going on in your relationship. However, there are many books that cliam they are AA, but I suggest purchasing one from them.
Again, I do wish you the best of luck in your marriage.
A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (16 October 2007):
You can't trick the trickster....he's very smart. Once married to an alcoholic...the pro in drinking and in getting you to believe any and everything that he wants you to and also what you want to believe SO BAD.
Once you say something, don't ever go back on your word...in other words, really think before you speak and whatever you say, mean it. PERIOD! In order for him to ever become sober, HE has to want to become sober. You can't force him, you can't trick him no matter how bad you want him to be sober. I hate to say this, but "just" because he got saved does not mean he wants to think about becoming sober....he knows what he needs to do, but it sounds either that he is still in denial or he is not ready to work the program. He knows he needs to do something, but that something may be just telling you what you want to hear so you will let him come back into your arms. (I was the fool for so long - trust me!)
Personally, if I was in your shoe's...I would not go back to him until he has been in AA for at least 6 months, he needs to know you mean business. And then I would check myself in NOW to Alanon. Do not think for a moment that you to need some help in understanding YOUR way's. Alanon is not about helping him, it's about helping yourself..whether single or married. This would do you some good. IF you show that you are going, it may help him, however, do not let him get you to think that a few times in going that he now is "cured"...there is no cure. Once an alcoholic, always...they just call it recovering alcoholic's. He will always be recovering. AA is and should be a life long program. He will always want that drink and have to fight it everyday..everyday!
Let him work his program...and if he doesn't nor show's any intention on his part, believe me, he is not wanting to do it for the right reason, himself. My ex went to 6 rehabs, a half way house and then finally AA. He is 11 years sober, however, we could not make our marriage work...to much "drama" and to much that happened between us and his cheating, lying, sex issues, etc...it was just to much and I'll leave it at that. Be firm, stay strong...I wish you the best.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (15 October 2007):
Tell him every month he attends AA and stays sober you will give him one dinner date.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): He has gone to church with you in the past and says he is saved??? I think it is great that he did that so please do not trick him or you will undo all of that. Have a calm and peaceful chat with him and ask him if he would like you to come with him to an AA meeting. Make it look like he is taking you and not the other way around. If he feels forced or tricked then he will resort to what he does best - DRINK. You could suggest that you maybe go and have a meal some time, but i would not incorperate this with the AA visit. I wish you well, because this will be a long and often painful road. Be strong and be prepared to walk away from him at times when you need to recharge YOUR batteries, because this situation is very draining and energy sapping.
take care
xxx
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