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age
41-50,
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writes: I am going through this very bad break up and i do not know how to deal with it. In the past year i have made very bad decisions...i left my husband and that was a good decision because he was hitting me ...but because of the problems in the marriage i got myself entangled with the wrong guy. Met this guy at school and he has a gf...but we were carrying a relationship behind her back...for about 6 months... we slept together right at the end. Obviously it was not a good relationship because he still insisted on staying with his gf and therefore i realized that i had no future with him. He said some really hurtful thing to me like she was better ... she was number one and i was number 2 and eventually i got tired of the pain and decided to leave. The thing is he went on holiday during the school winter break and i only called him once..because i was trying to break up....i thought i was over him by januaury but the is in all my classes at school and it is very hard seeing him again. I have given him the cold shoulder so he knows something is wrong but i haven't told him what it is...should i tell him? I dont know how to cope and i am scared that i will go back to my old ways which is wrong. I live alone and i have only one true friend in this city...i am VERY LONELY because i left my husband and i dont go out a lot so i dont know how to meet other guys.any tips on how to deal with this sitaution?? These two break ups are my first and it sucks that they are 6 months apart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your advice and encouragement..i struggled very hard with not talking to him but i kept on being told that he was a loser ...it is good to know that i am on the right track. Can you please tell me if i should explain myself to him...i feel bad ignoring him. i saw him no explanations.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): I agree with the below Aunts. Great advice from them! I think you need to consider making yourself number 'one' here and do a healthy good thing for yourself. Tell this guy 'it's done-you will not be available to him, anymore' ...plain and simple. Listen. You do need to get on your own two feet and yes, it will be hard and lonely at first. But what will come from that is your ability to be stronger, a new found independence, more in charge of 'your life, and knowing you can do it on your without anyone mistreating you, anymore. That's a real positive. You do empower your life and when you do that...other's will take note of those admirable character traits in you and eventually, you will admire yourself for those very same traits. So if you are scared of going back to your own dependant ways..then consider getting some counselling and support from someone, who can help you learn some good self-esteem skills. You appear to depend on men to fill a painful void inside, a loss of spirit that happened to you when you were mistreated by your ex husband or maybe before that..we don't know but you do. You need time alone to heal and recover from that, before entering into any other relationships. It's time to end this and treasure yourself, by focusing on looking after 'you'. So, you can dump this 2nd uncaring guy and you can embrace the newfound independence of living on your on own or keeping yourself stuck, upset, in pain-- continually finding people who don't respect or care. You don't deserve that and really, what a waste of your time. So accept this and go live your life..in a happy good way. And some day, when you are happy again and you are healed, the wonderful guy who will treat you like a 'queen', will come along. Hold out for that. Good luck .
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 January 2010):
No, you must cut all these guys out and focus on yourself at the moment. The problem with a lot of abused women is that because they don't address their own esteem issues, they tend to go for another abuser, or another guy who will use them, just as you have. The most important thing you can do now is to get yourself some counselling and focus on yourself for now. Join a few classes, or maybe find a hobby like tennis or dancing where you can just meet people and just make some friends. But just for now, focus on yourself and build up your esteem before you meet other guys. You don#t want to walk into another mess.
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