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male
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anonymous
writes: I have a problem that I hope some of you can help with. I have been seeing a guy for over a year and a half now. We went through alot together, job changes, travelling, graduations etc, and loved each other dearly. About 5 weeks ago, I told him that I had enough. You see, I moved from London to Brighton to study over the Summer and was seeing him at the weekends in London. I began to not understand that he had things to do at the weekend, and would get very hurt if he wanted to go off and do something that he can't do in the week. I have not really seen him in 5 weeks now. Looking back now I realise that I was selfish as I wanted him to do what I wanted to do most of the time. He leads a busy life as a Junior Doctor and I put the pressure on us for the weekend thing as I moved away. I have done this to him a few times before, ie telling him it is over and being very rash. I always have not been trusting him (checking his phone messages etc) I am not sure why. He has never done anything and has been the best thing in my life. Over the past 5 weeks I have been trying to tell him sorry I am, but he is not seeing it. He says that it has happened too many times before. He is not out to his family and I am, I am wondering if that is why I have trust issues?I know also that about two weeks ago he set up a profile on a gay website for dates, so know it seems that he may have met someone else or just used this is as a tool to move on?What can I do? I want him back but cannot see how I can proove to him that I want things to change. He just keeps texting me saying: 'this will never change, I can never give you enough', and I just feel that no one could give me anymore and that I am being so unreasonable on him. Any advice?
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (23 October 2006):
 There really isn't alot you can do if he won't give you the chance to prove to him that you won't do it again and do you 100% know you won't do it again?
You have to let him go, if he really loves you and wants to be with you he will come back but hounding him to tell him you regret this mistake and things will change is probably not the best way you need to let him see what life is like when your not there and see if he comes running as he misses you.
This is the danger that comes of saying things and ending things in a rash moment, whether you did it because you really couldn't take it anymore or to get a reaction but if that was the way it's backfired because you've lost him over it not got your way from it and everytime someone ends things with you alittle bit more of your security in your relationship disappears.
Good luck :o)
A
female
reader, Fernikle +, writes (22 October 2006):
 Hello Sweetheart, you are obviously devastated by breaking-up with this guy and I feel the regret in your words. This guy though has been expecting this for sometime now feeling it has become innevitable. I am sorry to say that I think he has moved on easier, because he himself has never been made to feel secure in the relationship, because of the continual threat of you ending it. Insecurity is a poison to relationships, and can make them irretrivable, once enough of the poison has been injected into the loving side of the relationship. I know this is not what you want to hear, and I'm sorry to write the realities of the situation you are facing. Only in supposition, but maybe this guy was insecure of you ending the relationship, and this is why he couldn't come out. Strength and support is needed for that, and he may have been feeling vulnerable. With him also being in study at the moment, maybe he feels the support of his family is of a greater importance, because they are local to him? Or financially supporting him and he feels he doesn't want to 'upset' them, because he needs that support. Without hearing the other guy's self analysis of the relationship, it is really hard to see an answer of what has caused the break-up fully.
Remember, though, before you start to 'beat yourself up' about this. It takes two to make it work, and if you were made to feel insecure....question why? What were the actions your Ex did to make you feel that way, or is it a lifetime battle?
When you have explored this, then maybe you could walk-on fresh and with new perspective. The game of love is all about being vulnerable, and that is where trust is built. Things hurt for a little while, but they do get better. Don't dwell for too long, just fill the void with 'constructive' exercise. Take a little alone time, don't go and throw yourself into another relationship immeadiately, have fun and go and meet some new people.
I wish you the very best of luck, with this. It will be painful, but it will also be purifying for you.
Mwah X
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