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female
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anonymous
writes:Hi, This is probably nothing something silly, but whenever i stay at my boyfriends house or have an intense, intimate evening/day with him. I cant help getting emotional. For example last night I was really close to him and I just burst into tears and this has happened on several occasions. He hasnt done anything annoying or upsetting, I think its just the intensity of the situation. While hes really good at coping with it, we are both only 16 and Im worried its going to damage the relatioship loads because after it happened there was just an awkward silence. When Im in these situations I often have minor panic attacks and feel sick and dizzy for the rest of the day, which makes it worse for us both as im not my bouncy self!I really dont know what to do and how to cope with this, its happened with previous boyfriend and now suddenly with this one. I really love my current boyfriend and I dont want him to think im odd and loose interest in me. What can i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (23 October 2006):
 Long distance relationships really do pull on our emotions as we aren't with them as much or we know when the time spent together is over that it is going to be awhile before we see them again.
Just enjoy the time spent together, and when that time is over start looking forward to the next time you see him as these shows of emotion might make him feel that seeing him is hurting you more than not seeing him and pull away from you.
Good luck :o)
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2006): Ok, I understand, well that explains a lot...you are having sort of a long distance relationship and you get overly emotional because that is a bit hard...It is natural to become dependent on someone who is a friend and by doing so is taking care of your emotional needs, you just feel some withdrawal agony when you know you will soon be saying good bye again....I don't know really what to advise you, maybe the long distance relationship is too painful for you, and you need to cool things off with him, that is something you will have to decide.
I understand your worry about being too emotional and annoying him, guys are sort of allergic to women's emotions especially young guys who don't really know what to do or say or feel for that matter. It might be helpful to just say to him, "gee I am sorry I get so emotional sometimes, I just really miss you when you are away." And then just leave it at that.
But you might want to consider not seeing him every three weeks if it is distracting you from school becasuse you are sad, maybe put the relationship on hold until you are in the same part of the country, or break up and find a guy closer to home...you will have to follow your heart on that one, but there is nothing wrong with you, I think you are experiencing some pretty common emotions. I am an adult and I would not try a long distance relationship unless it was to be very short term and we had plans to be together shortly in the future, it is just not enough for me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not sexually active with my boyfriend, and I only see him once or twice every three weeks as we live in differnt parts of the country and go to different schools.
We have a very close relationship and I love him lots (using the term 'love'in a teenage relationship is dubius i know, but you know what i mean). I feel very attached to him and I get scared of annoying him or upsetting him so I get very anxious about the relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2006): Hi, no I don't think this is silly at all. You don't say, but I gather that you are sexually active with your boyfriend. It is very common that women feel especially emotional after sex, as it is a very strong bonding experience. I think your panic attacks are telling you something, that you are scared of being too dependent on this relationship. This is part of the reason that children of 16 should not be having sex with eachother. Sex and relationships are serious business and require emotional maturity that is only developed with age and experience...quite frankly you are not mature enough to handle the strong emotions that go along with sex, and neither is your young boyfriend...I know it is probably futile on my part for me to tell you to stop having sex since you are already having it you will have it again, no doubt. What concerns me is that you are spending so much time with your boyfriend and getting so close so fast...no wonder you are panicking. Don't rush growning up so fast and having sex, it doesn't mean you are more sophisticated and cool, it means that you are not putting enough focus on developing your own personality and not focusing enough on your studies and finding interests (other than boys) that light you up. I hope you will take your time and enjoy being a girl, there is plenty of time for sex and love and it is much better when you are old enough to handle it and old enough for the adult responsibilities of relationships, like being able to financially support children if you should become pregnant.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2006): Could it be that subconsiously you have a problem with the relationship? Are you insecure about it? Is there something you're hiding or dreading? I had the same problem, but I never let him see me cry. My problem was that I was so inlove with him that I did not want 2 see the night end. And I was insecure about our relationship at the moment. When you have those intimate moments you realize how you feel for them ,and when you realize it's not always like that, it might also trigger tears.
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