A
male
age
41-50,
*ustJames
writes:I've really screwed up with a great girl and now think I've ruined my chances with her.I've known her as a friend for a year and we've always had an amazing time socially, but things only started to happen between us recently after she split up with her long-term boyfriend. We were out on Friday night and I was feeling stressed because my work situation is very difficult and I'd had a very bad day. We got into some minor disagreement over dinner about some random topic when suddenly I started arguing really aggressively with her. I really lashed out -something I've never done before. She was very cowed and we parted awkwardly.Then on Monday I emailed her to apologise. She replied, saying that she understood that I was stressed but that she was shocked by my aggressive behaviour and asked if I often lash out at the people I care about. I panicked and sent her another email, this time apologising profusely and pathetically, making excuses and swearing that I'd never behaved like that before. I also sent her a card and emailed her again the next day. She hasn't respondedA week ago she sent me a text telling me how much she liked me. Now I think I've convinced her that I'm a) a complete nutter with a bad temper, and b) a wimp who apologises four times for one thing. My question is simple: given the above, is there anything I can do to resolve this situation, or have I done too much damage?James
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male
reader, JustJames +, writes (12 July 2007):
JustJames is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot -that's reassuring. I hope you're right!
A
male
reader, NuVu  +, writes (12 July 2007):
Be sweet, send flowers, aplogize, but most importantly JUST DON'T DO IT AGAIN. She's known you for a year and it doesn't sound like you've every displayed this kind of outburst before, so i think she will judge you on the cumulative of what she knows about you, and not one night.
You might want to spend some time figuring out why this happened, so you can respond more consciously in the future. However, for now i think she's more concerned about a pattern of behaivor more than anything, so if you stay cool, things should be ok.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007): in response to your question i did that once before with a guy i really liked and i thought exactly the same as you do but it turned out ok in the end,just tell her exactly how you feel and be yourself, chill out relax when you talk to her and maybey ask her out if you want to!! dont worry about a thing and remember only apologise once again if you really need to ok!! good luck!!!
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