A
male
age
26-29,
*ewis19
writes:I'm a 19 year old man and have been stuck in limbo for the last 10 months, just over a year ago I met a girl who came over to the UK to learn English. She was only staying for 6 months and I was teaching her how to work in my old job (waiter/barman), My boss was always pushing me to ask her out but I always put it off as I was afraid that she would say no and it would make it awkward between us, around Christmas we got closer and closer and I was very close to asking her and I also felt like she wanted me to but I then went on a months holiday, when I got back after the new year things felt different, I could hardly speak to her without feeling bad that I didn't push myself enough. I later found out that she had been on a one night stand with someone I worked with while I was off and he was pushing for more, not wanting to tread on anyone's toes I backed off, I was still struggling to talk to her and by this stage I had near enough everyone I worked with pushing me to ask her. After a while nothing happened between her and my colleague and I also found out nothing happened between them, at this stage she got moved away from the restaurant and into reception. In her final month I was starting to feel anxious because I know I didn't have long left to do something, the whole time I knew her I was always thinking of ways to ask her out but never could say it to her face, I even found myself standing there speaking to her and saying it in my head. On the night of her leaving do I had to work and by the time it finished and I got there she was too drunk to know anything and within 10minutes of being there she left, the following night myself and a friend of mine who couldn't go decided to invite her out to say good-bye, this night was fantastic, a great laugh with a couple other friends joining us, it was the best night of my life, we all said good-bye and I was last one, all day I was thinking of things I should do but never could get the words out, before I knew it we were walking away and I was to never to see her again, I dropped my 2 friends off and 1 of which I had a very heart breaking conversation with about the situation, I found myself breaking down into tears for not doing anything. Since she left I have thought about her everyday and the huge mistake I made for not saying anything and missing out on the perfect one for me, someone who was way out of my league and I would have never deserved but she also wanted me, I have tried to get with someone else but was rejected for a 2nd time in my life. Recently I found out she had been in a life threatening car accident and spent time in an induced coma This brought everything flooding back to me and made me want to go out and be with her but not having the time available to leave my new job I couldn't, I would love to be able to speak to her once again and possibly try things long distance but I'm afraid of being rejected again and think she has found someone else who is better than me.I would be extremely thankful for any advice you could give me to either help me move on or just gain the confidence to speak to her.
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christmas, confidence, drunk, long distance, move on, my boss, one night stand Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2015): You seem to have two things going on.The first is your own self-esteem. You make such statements as “she was someone who was way out of my league” and “she has found someone else who is better than me”. And you basically did not ask her out because you were afraid she would so “no”. You need to think about this. Why don’t you think you are as good as anyone else? If you think you have a problem, then seek out help. But possibly it’s just that you are young and some guys mature slower than others. Maybe you are a perfectly normal shy guy. You did strike up the nerve to ask another girl out. It takes a lot of guts to do that. If you asked your friends, I bet they would say it took them a long time to screw up the courage to ask someone out.The second is your crush on that girl. You are afraid of reaching out to her. Remind yourself of Tennyson’s quote “'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” You regret reaching out to her while she lived in your city. Are you going to regret it for a long time if you do not reach out to her? If yes, then do reach out, even if in the end it does not work out for you. Take the risk.Start by trying to be her friend and see how she reacts. You say you heard she was in an accident. A friend would reach out to see how she is, how is she managing, expressing your concern for her. It would be much better to contact her by phone – it is impossible to tell how someone is feeling through text messages. Ask how she likes living where she is now compared to your area. Maybe she will say she preferred your area and would like to come back – who knows. Maybe you could arrange a holiday visit to her area. Depending on what she says, you might tell her that you wish you had asked her out and done some things together while she was there. I think it will be pretty obvious to her that you are reaching out to her and, well, we’ll just have to wait and see what she says when you call her. But would I be interested in a long distance love affair? Not so much.“Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2015): get in touch via face book seeing if she'll accept a friend request.Then keep in touch.
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