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female
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*host
writes: Hi all... i'm a 35 yr old woman involved with a guy who says he loves me yet goes out with his female 'friend' (who hates my guts)He drinks more than i think anyone should (or could!) ends up yelling at me and the day after can't even remember any of it! emotionally this guy is very selfish. and it's really hurting me. i think i know what i need to do (ie.. get out) but can't seem to find the strenghth. when i try to talk to him he either yells at me and/or tells me i'm 'making it up'..... all advice greatly appreciated. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ghost +, writes (10 August 2006):
ghost is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey there.... Just want to say a big thank you to all who replied. As i'm sure u all already know it really helps to get an outside point of view. Your input has helped to clarify things and i'm ready to take some positive action! listen out for the bang! lolThanks guys... your great. Ghost xxx
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (7 August 2006):
 Alcoholics in denial are great at twisting things around to make it part of your fault - you have to see it as part of their sickness. That is not an excuse however - if he yells, he is out of control and maybe physically abusive soon...it is easy for anyone to blame their behaviour on the booze - he claims to not recall his drunken fights, but he may recall some and just not wish to address the real issues. The other girl not liking you is understandable but you should be sympathetic - she probably gets the same drunken yelling from time to time. You are not helping his liver - you sit back while he gets plastered, allows him to behave badly and then keep coming back for more bad treatment...I am not saying you deserve it but you have to take some responsibility for enabling the destructive relationship to develop and continue. Personal strength has little to do with this - self respect has a lot to do with it.
Either way at 35 I am sure you know that there is no long term future in this relationship unless he gets clinical help for his drinking, stops playing you two girls off each other and starts treating your relationship and you with respect. Step away, give him a direct order to sort himself out and come back in 6 months sober and see what he does...if he yells some more then you leave him, if he accepts the break and then starts seeing someone else he wasn't worth your attention and if he goes away, sobers up and comes back a new man then rethink you and him. If he is not prepared to 'try' why are you? Self respect is priceless and no woman should have to share a man with a bottle of vodka and another lady.
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A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (7 August 2006):
 dear reader, you've got it on the button, you need to get out. this man doesn't love you, you have to find the strenth from somewhere and go and find someone who will treat you a whole lot better and love you for you not for the idea of having "er in doors" you know your much better then this and deserve the happenness you are looking for.
be strong
i hope you find what is needed to get you out of this mess
all the best to you kep us posted xxx
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A
female
reader, kazzer30 +, writes (7 August 2006):
 first what you need to do is if hes not believeing u in the first place then you need to tell him to get out but if you cant do that then tape recored him saying all the things hes saying to you then show him when hes not drunk.next ask him if he would cut his drink down and spend more time with you if he cant do that then you no that he doesnt really love you.you no wot they say theres plenty more fish in the sea
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A
female
reader, donna83 +, writes (7 August 2006):
i am currently going through the same thing except my boyfriend has male friends he is 10 years older than me but acts 20yrs young give him the boot he is not worth it dont make the same mistake as me by getting pregnant then dumping him goodluck
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