A
male
age
30-35,
*oosingtouch
writes:Is she acting crazy, or am I turning into a heartless asshole?Well, here it goes. I've been with my girlfriend for about 3 years all together now. We've been broken up for a couple of times during this period (she dumped me), but ended up back together both times. I was young and inexperienced (16-17 years old) when we first started dating, and this has been my first real relationship. During the first 2 years, both of us were acting really jealous and needy with each other. We would never go to any parties on or own, and I would constantly neglect my friends to be with her instead. She's a really good looking girl and all, popular with the guys, and I thought that was how I had to act to keep her. After our second breakup (which lasted for a few months) I learned a lot about myself, and I spent a night with another girl. Then I travelled to Australia.When I started acting more like a real independent individual, thats when she started to get interested in me again. She eventually decided she wanted to come to Australia to be with me, and stupid little me went along with it. I told her about the other girl a while before she ordered her ticket, before she had made her final desicion, and she went nuclear on me. She still went through with it though, and came to AU. Then the nightmare began.On the third day, we had our first massive argument (on my birthday!!!). She felt betrayed that I'd been with the other girl, and came up with more shit than I'd ever imagined possible. That only set the standard though. From there on, we had our arguments more often then not. If I looked anywhere but down when we were on the beach, she almost accused me of cheating. She even got jealus that I had a couple of tshirts with girls on them!And so it went. She on a constant lookout, and me on a leash. After a while I started turning everyone down if they asked if we wanted to come out, or do something. It always turned out a disaster. A few of our post-party arguments ended up with her slamming my laptop in the floor, or throwing the garbage can at me. She's always been jealous, but after our second breakup I wouldnt accept everything like I would before. Now I just cant bring myself to caring anymore. I walk around with a constant layer of depression. We spend most nights together, cause she goes nuts with texts and calls if we dont. She makes up the silliest dilemmas and creates disasters out of it. And if I dont reply within a couple of minutes, I get another text "??????" and eventually a call. A lot of our arguments are about her doubting my feelings for her. Now this is where my problem really is at. When she's acting like this all the time, every day, I'm just not able to focus on my good feelings for her, tell her I love her and such. I've told her I just cant take her telling me how to feel and how to respond to everything, and that if she can stop being so intense I might actually be able to think of saying those things by myself! Then one day passes, and she fires back up. I've had dozens of talks with her about it. She always agrees in the end, often starts crying and apologizing. Says she wants to change and all that, she doesnt want to act like this. Then sometimes she starts arguing about something a few hours later. Like the last couple of hours; it started with her sending about 30 texts. And you know, replying to texts takes time, so this makes for a whole lot of time typing on the phone. Then after a while she couldnt wait two minutes(!) for an answer, and she called. I was typing away when the phone rang, so I sounded a bit moody when I picked up. That triggered a discussion about whether or not she was being tiring. I told her that I thought she texted me a bit too much, I couldnt do anything but type on my phone. This little issue eventually turned out to her almost breaking up by SMS. It went something like "thats better, dont you think?". I told her that this shit is on you. If you want to break up, you do it, dont try to make yourself the victim. Just now I got a text that she loved me and all that, then after that she got pissed cause she thought I wouldnt be up early tomorrow morning to deliver her her newly loaded pink iPod before work. I'm sorry, this text turned in to a novel. I've already deleted half of it though.So now, to make my question clear: Am I the one being a heartless asshole? Does her arguments sound legitimate?I know we should probably break up, this thing is evil. But when its good, its good! Plus I cant bring myself to ending it. Plus its the classic situation of her being the town hottie and I really cant stand the thought of anyone else having her. I'm only 20 though, she's 19, and considering the current state of it, I know we probably wont last. It just feels locked though, we live in a small town where everyone knows everyone, and I cant go anywhere in a while. I feel like I'm up for execution, but at the same time I dont feel very much..I feel bad cause she cant type her side of the story, but this is how MY days goes. I know its tough on her as well, I know she's depressed a lot, I just cant decide if she has a reason to or not!?Can anyone please give me your honest opinions/views/experiences? You could help me out a lot just giving me something to read and relate to..
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male
reader, Loosingtouch +, writes (17 January 2011):
Loosingtouch is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate no1.
I told her pretty straight this time, made her understand that I wouldnt put up with her shit anymore. She almost broke up a couple more times, but said she agreed after a while.
(btw. you overdid the title, hehe)
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