A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyoneJust over a week ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of almost four years. It was a mutual split, but very unexpected...I will explain..It was a Sunday afternoon, he was playing on one of his game consoles and I decided to visit some friends. I came back in the evening and we cooked food together. We sat down to eat and a minor argument kind of sprung from nowhere...he said he had had enough of me going out all the time to see family/friends and not doing the housework before I go..which I thought was a fair argument, I could have and should have done more around the house but when I work all week, I look forward to relaxing on the weekends, he only works part time and had more time to spare than me. The argument continued for over an hour and then he told me to pack my things and go..which I did. I haven't been back since. We've had very little contact since but he sent me a text two days ago asking if I wanted to continue "seeing him" but not be in a relationship again just yet. I assumed that he just meant sex and I didn't respond.I heard through a friend that he's been going out and getting drunk a lot and meeting up with different women and I feel upset because it's like I never existed...like the four years we were together meant nothing to him. I don't know if I want him back. My head tells me no because deep down i knew the relationship wasn't working, we'd had problems for around two years that never really got sorted, we just overlooked them and tried to carry on as normal but my heart is missing him and when I'm laying in bed at night, I miss the way he used to put his arm around me and cuddle me. I'm also jealous that he's been meeting other women so soon when the thought to go out and meet other men hasn't crossed my mind. I guess what I'm saying is, I know the relationship wasn't working but I feel if I don't try and get him back and work on our problems, then I may be throwing away our chance of being happy again.Some advice would be appreciated, thank you x
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Honeypie, thank you for your responseI know deep down that it is over, we both got on each others nerves and we both weren't making the effort to correct the issues in our relationship. I miss him in a way but I feel there is more to life than being stuck in a dead end relationship that is going nowhere. I am finding it hard to separate from him emotionally at the moment but I suppose that will change in time. We have spoken now and have both agreed it would be a silly idea to try again as we are both at different stages in our lives. I'm 25 and he's 30, I'm at the beginning of a career and I want to be successful while he's at the age where he wants to settle down and have children, and that isn't for me just yet. I am going to enjoy my freedom and concentrate on finding myself again as I felt I got a bit lost in our relationship. I am going to continue working hard and find out what else is out there for me.Thank you again for your response x
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 July 2014):
 So because you have OVARIES you are the one who should spend her time off CLEANING house? He couldn't have LOGGED of his game long enough to run the vacuum, folded some clothes?
He works PART time, yet it's YOUR job to maintain the house? BEcause what? You are a woman?
I honestly think he could have been looking for a way out for a while, this was just the route he took on a spur if the moment. Basically he saw his chance and took it.
And then he wants you back as his FUCK buddy?
What exactly is that you have to try again? To do better as a GF? To cater to his whims more? I really think that you want to try it again, because if you don't you feel like you have "wasted" 4 years with him.
The thing is I don't think he really WANTS to try again. What he DOES want is to have his freedom and having a free maid.
There was MORE (a lot more) to this argument then YOU not cleaning house before going out. You stated that you have had problems for 2 YEARS that you BOTH just ignored. So it's not like you two have a history of WORKING on your issues together and SORTING stuff out.
If you WANT to get back together you two NEED to resolve any and ALL issues before getting back together. That means finding compromises that makes you both happy.
Do you really think you can accept that he has been out screwing other women? That it won't cause FURTHER issues?
I know it's hard, but maybe you need to realize that the relationship have come to the end of the line.
My REAL advice is to SEPARATE yourself from him financially first, then physically and of course emotionally. I think it's over :(
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