A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is insisting she does not talk to this certain ex-boyfriend of hers. She said they haven't talked in a LONG time. She said this earlier today.Now, I know that is a total lie, that they had an AIM conversation two days ago and talk now and then online or facebook. Their conversations are not anything to worry about, but the fact that she is flat out lying about even having them pisses me off.What should I do about this? It's hard to bring it up because I know she's lying through snooping. But I snoop because I don't think I can really 100 percent trust her.Is this relationship an inevitable disaster?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (8 January 2009):
 As Emily says and I'll reiterate, you have gotten yourself into this nasty cycle. She lies because she knows if she tells you the truth, it'll be a whole lot messier than if you don't know anything. In this case, what you didn't know wouldn't of hurt you.
You guys need to do some serious repairing here. You need to learn to trust her and show her that you're not overly jealous so that you won't react harshly to something that's not a big deal. You don't want to push her away with your distrust in her. She needs to accept your new found trust in her and she needs to commit to telling you the truth all the time.
Hope you guys can get into a healthier cycle!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (8 January 2009):
I think this is a case of a vicious circle.
She's probably telling you a white lie because she's picked up on the fact that you are paranoid about these things and thinks that if she told you she'd been chatting to her ex about his new cat that you would freak out.
That makes you more paranoid and leads to you snooping. She feels pushed away and suspected and is therefore more likely to talk to people (like ex's) for advice and support.
If it continues then this relationship is not going to last. One of you has to break the circle and it may as well be you.
Tell her you have a problem with trust and have been known to snoop but that you want things to work out and don't want to be like that any more.
Ask her for complete honesty, even if it is something she thinks you may not like. In exchange then you will promise not to snoop and will try your hardest to trust.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, totsxx  +, writes (8 January 2009):
 hey wat you need to do is you tell your girlfriend you trust her 100% and tell her you dont mind her talkin to him as long as you dont lie about it as she may still have feelings for him just ask dont be snoopin haha xxxx hope it helps xxxx
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