A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys my ex broke up with me after 4 years of living and travelling together about 6 weeks ago, it was reasonably amicable, everything split and done fairly no arguments, no emotional outbursts, she moved out I got rid of the house etc.. it was a nightmare 4 weeks for me but I kept No contact ( except issues pertaining to the house )At the end of the 4 weeks we were cleaning the old house and I found out she was having a fling with her ex before me, it made me angry ( i spent 4 years trying to banish him, they had a poisonous relationship cheating, suicide threats etc.. ) it made me angry she went to him and not just a random bloke, it cut hard. During the moving out of the house she intitiated sex over the weekend on the saturday and sunday it was like old times kissing, holding hands, cuddling etc.. etc.. I said I can do this but only if he is gone, I realize she is single but I can't be anything to her with him specifically around, she said it's done. She clearly understood my stance on this.Then next day on the monday I popped round to drop some things off from the old house, she was inside with her ex before me, someone I despised.. She lied to me over the weekend saying she would never contact him again not to mention he is married but a serial cheat and I hated that they kept in email contact during our relationship I was gutted. She pleaded that it was a goodbye ( but sex was had ). I was very confused saying what was the weekend then ?? Anyways we agreed to go out on the Friday night. Throughout the week she was emailing me constantly like old times throughout the work daywe went out Friday night had dinner and were having a couple of drinks everything was great then She brought up something throughout the night having a go at me, now I deliberately didn't mention anything from the relationship to avoid a conflict we were having a great night out.. anyways she started the argument and stormed off, I followed her and basically broke down telling her 6 weeks of hell and I had been beating myself up about these things but she broke up with me and I can't go back in time and fix them... anyways I stayed over well tried too but the emotions were too strong and she was snapping at me to shut up or go home quite coldly. I chose to go home and txt her in the morning that I can't be second best 'friends' and that her mixed signals are killing me, the fact I fell apart in front of her I was ashamed about but it's said and done now.. she replied we clearly can't be friends because I can't emotionally deal with it.. so here we are, I just don't know what she is thinking, I know she has depression and so forth but Ishe has always had that. She knows what I want and it's not the friends bucket. I am just goign to go no contact again for a while...Any ideas whats going on ? She knows what I want, but I feel she either doesn't or wants me as a friend which she knows she can't have.. so why can't she let go ? I know she loves me but it was her call to end it... it's really painful
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female
reader, PaperChase  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 When we really love someone we will make up so many excuses for them just to make ourselves feel better, as that's the only way it helps us to deal with things right? Trust me you are better off without her, if she really loved you she wouldn't put you through all this pain and confusion and tell you straight up what she wants and how she feels. And the fact that she still keeps contact with her ex? That's a big sign telling you to back away from her!! You deserve soo much better, not someone who keeps playing with your mind and feelings.
A
female
reader, absolutelyinsane +, writes (13 November 2010):
Leave. Cut off all communication. I understand how hard this must be for you. Love can make us all blind. But just leave. Silence speaks louder than words. She knows what you want. But if she tells to shutup and leave. Then that's all you can do. Harden up. Love teaches us to be cold (haha cynical). You will definitely find someone out there, besides this girl. Wish you all the best.
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