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male
,
anonymous
writes: My wife is 65 and very attractive. She is secretly meeting one of my male 'friends' for sex, and leaves clues (lube used, used 'stiff' tissues in bin, etc.Our sex life has become non-existant. What can I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2006): You step up to the plate and confront her. You better than that... don't let yourself be taken for a fool.
A
female
reader, SwimGirl26380 +, writes (17 July 2006):
 I think you definitely need to talk to your wife regarding your suspicions. While the "clues" you mentioned she left behind for you to find could mean that she is cheating, they may also have to do with something else entirely. When you do talk to her, try not to be accusatory (though this may be hard)- bring it up in a nonchalant kind of way and try to accept the truth - whatever it may be. If you find out she is cheating, try to figure out why so you both can work through the problem or move on. Wish you the best!
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (14 July 2006):
 First of recognize that whilst you may feel she is having an affair, there could be alternative explanations for what is going on. Until you see her having sex with this man, or she tells you directly, you cannot be sure. And remember, juistice requires that we are treated as innocent until proven guilty.
Then you need to ask her about it. However, it's important that you do this in the right way if you are going to get what you want... namely the truth. Do not start by accusing her of anything, or she will go on the defensive. Then she won't want to share information and her feelings with you.
Share your concerns with her... that your self life has become non-existant, and that you are worried that she is having an affair. Ask her how she feels about this. Again, do not accuse her of having an affair, just tell her that you are worried that she is having one.
Differences in the effects of aging on sex drive, physique, and appearance, can trigger off jealousy and suspiciousness like you describe. The fact that you see your wife as very attractive points to potential insecurities possibly being triggered by your feeling not attractive enough (now) to match her. You would not be the first person who this has happened to.
It is possible that you are imagining this. As long as you allow that possibility then you will deal with this fairly. If you close out all possibilities other than that she is being unfaithful, you are sure to cause more problems.
You should also consider getting couples therapy quickly if your conversation with her does not resolve the situation for you. The longer you leave it the more problems you might end up creating that you then have to solve.
Good luck
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