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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been married to my husband for the past 7 years and I just recently, about two months to be exact, found out that he had posted himself on a dating website. He got busted by me and he claims that he never made an attempt to meet up with these women, that he was just chatting with them online for fun and that it meant nothing. Well since then I've been very bothered and can't trust him so I keep on asking him questions all the time about things, like his whereabouts, what he spends money on...that kind of thing. He swears up and down that he loves me and admits that he made a mistake chatting with these women online and that he's not doing anything like that anymore. Then one day I threatend to leave him and he said that if he came clean about the money questions that I would for sure leave and that it's best that he doesn't tell me. Well I keep on nagging him about it and he said that he didn't mean to say that way and that he knows how pissed I get when he spends money on things we don't need or in other words that's his lie/excuse to cover up the truth about him telling me the truth! I get pissed cause he spends money on himself instead of taking his me and the kids out. I know that he's not paying prostitutes or escorts because we live in a small town. And just today I looked up the history on the internet and found that he was googling how to manipulate women, black magic, and hypnosis! I think that he's actually planning a way to keep me from the truth! It's sad and I hate it! I'm miserable and don't know what to do! We have kids and it's so hard! I hate him for putting me through this! I feel like the world's biggest idiot!I guess my question is, why would my husband want to do this to me?
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female
reader, SwimGirl26380 +, writes (17 July 2006):
 The history of his internet use (googling for manipulating women, hypnosis, etc.) is very telling. I would be worried if I found this on me and my fiance's computer history, too. I agree that it is odd that he is searching for these subjects. I think you have good reason to be suspicious and should follow your intuitions.
I'm not sure why your husband would do this to you. The best idea would be to talk to him about it and express your concerns and suspicions. You have every right to feel the way you do! I once found my boyfriend emailing his ex-girlfriend. I brought this up to him and asked him why - he said it was just to keep in touch. I told him how much it bothered me and asked him how he would feel if I were to email my exboyfriends. He understood and stopped. This might be a good way for you to discuss it with your husband.
If you can't work it out with him though, I definitely think you should leave. One thing I always ask myself when it comes to relationship issues is: Would I want my daughter to be in this type of situation/be treated this way? If not, then the message is clear. You need to move on - you deserve better. I wish you the best!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): O.K....that Google stuff is downright scary. Leave...and take your kids with you. Get a good lawyer and make sure you print copies of everything before you go. Good luck.
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