A
female
age
30-35,
*lytiê
writes:My girlfriend recently went to a party and got really drunk. I wasn't there at the time because she decided it'd be best if I didn't join her because we've argued a bit recently, and I was fine with that. She knew all the people were there, none were a danger to her whatsoever. I trust her a lot and I think that she'd never want to hurt me.It had been clear that she had been drinking a lot, but she usually does get carried away with her drink when at a party. The day after she told me that she was in bed at the host's house because she had been sent there to sober up, and whilst half asleep a guy started kissing her, and wouldn't get off when she asked him to. Someone else came in the room and got rid of the guy though.Obviously when she told me that somebody else kissed her I was really upset, and I still am. I'm aching so much right now and I'm not sure what to say to her, or what to do. I love her a lot, I said I'd never leave her, and to be honest I don't think she's to blame, so I can't punish her for it.I don't know what to say to her though. She's said sorry to me and she's really blaming herself for it all. I feel so hurt and she does too. What would you do in my situation? Is there any advice I should give to her or anything I should be saying to her? Should I say to her that not getting drunk could prevent this from happening in the future?I usually go with her to those parties, and I know that if she had invited me that time I wouldn't have let something like that happen. I do trust her going out on her own, and I don't mind her going out on her own, but I'm obviously apprehensive in case it happens again, or something worse happens.Thanks for your feedback.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): so easy to blame alcohol isn't it. you are in a same sex relationship, how sure are you in her drunken state she gave this guy the come on. overlooking her part in the drunken stupor is just plain noble or plain dumb. she needs to realise what she cannot handle her alcohol and that if she continues she will find herself in a real situation that may threaten her life.
strange how in her drunken state she only remembers selective things.
A
male
reader, shodogg  +, writes (10 August 2009):
 Since her "going out" tract record was already established before this incident (liking to really get drunk), this one here seems to have "taken the cake". Because you showed love, and leniency after arguing with her about letting you go along with her because of this very possibility -of something like this happening; I say you have earned your right to an intervention on her behalf. Keep this in mind everyone, no matter what you say to a person or get them to promises you while they're yet sober, because when they become stoned "drunk-stagger" drunk, to hell with every oath of a promise. I think you should reasonably express your love to and for her while demanding an intervening counseling. These "hurt" feelings you and she may have now is nothing to compare to the trauma of a rape (chain bang), then possible pregnancy or "std".Use this situation a s a spring board to chart the record straight; this relationship is now contingent upon you both getting counseling.If you truly love her then you both had better take this a warning/wake-up call.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (10 August 2009):
 Well you're pretty noble. I would NOT trust her to go out without you again when there's alcohol involved. She has proven that she lacks self control. Maybe when she's sober you can trust her, but if her senses become altered, look out.
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A
male
reader, lionelhutz +, writes (9 August 2009):
It's not as if she got drunk and started making out with some guy before she came to her senses. I think she found herself in a situation she had no control over and wanted no part of. She was taken advantage of. I think you should be offering her your support as someone who loves her.Maybe not right now, but I would also bring up the issue of her drinking. I wouldn't tell her "this wouldn't have happened if you didn't get drunk." But if she normally goes to parties and drinks too much, the consequences could be more dire next time. good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): im not sure there is anything you can do. I think she needs to be more carefull though. Single woman drinking alone can have diar consequenses. As you have both learned.. I am sorry but I think it may help to talk to someone else other than here such as a counseler.
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