A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hoping someone can help me..Year and a half live in boyfriend broke up with me because he said he was scarred from how mean I had been in the relationshipWe had so many good times but when we argued I was just very cruel and he was very sensitive and couldn't take it.It's been a month and a half and I've been off and on no contact. The week we had no contact he sent me a text Midweek hoping I was doing well. He said the pain I've caused him over the last year is the pain I'm feeling now He says he misses me but the relationship was just like a calluse and he can't try it again with the hurt I've but him through. He says since the breakup he already feels how he's gotten stronger. I know what I've done wrong and he said he would never rule out being with me in the future but as of now he can't say we would ever date againDo you think he will get past the things I've done and give me another chance? I really think he was the love of my life
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (29 June 2013):
 I am sorry to hear you are going through this.
Have you apologized yet -- sincerely apologized? Part of the closure and healing process is admitting what you did was hurtful, mean and cruel. Also what you did was a mistake and it won't happen again. If you are only apologizing to try and get him back, to me -- that isn't sincere and that may be why he is still holding onto a resentment.
Sadly, you can't take back the words you said. And once you've apologized it is solely up to him as to whether he can forgive you as well as whether he wants to reinvite you into his life. Begging him or trying to convince him to come back may come off as desperate and needy. I would encourage you, if you haven't already, tell him you want to be with him and you are ready when and if he chooses to... and leave it there.
Hopefully you take a good look at how you argue and you solve disagreements. A healthy relationship doesn't resort to personal attacks on one another and if the history of your relationship is filled with these types of events, perhaps it is best that it just simply ends. You can use this for personal growth and know what you need to work on before going into the next relationship.
I hope things work out but forgiveness can only be given by your boyfriend in this case. While it may be harsh to say it, if he isn't receptive to your apology, your best bet is to move on and learn something from it.
Also I agree that text messaging -- especially in matters as delicate as this -- is in poor taste. Face-to-face is best as it shows your sincerity and your remorse.
Eddie
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 June 2013):
I don't agree in any way that he's playing mind games; I'm pretty sure the Op asked him if he thought they'd ever get back together, as the broken hearted usually do.
I don't think he'll want you back. When someone is mistreated for long enough they grow calloused as a defense mechanism. In this case it'd be silly of him to take you back since he's more or less over you and you were apparently abusive toward him.
Stop dwelling on it and try to move on for your own sake. Next time try to find a guy that won't let you get away with acting like that.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 June 2013):
I don't agree in any way that he's playing mind games; I'm pretty sure the Op asked him if he thought they'd ever get back together, as the broken hearted usually do.
I don't think he'll want you back. When someone is mistreated for long enough they grow calloused as a defense mechanism. In this case it'd be silly of him to take you back since he's more or less over you and you were apparently abusive toward him.
Stop dwelling on it and try to move on for your own sake. Next time try to find a guy that won't let you get away with acting like that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): "Do you think he will get past the things I've done and give me another chance?"Yes, he will get past the things you've done and no, he won't give you another chance. Dumping you for good is the only way for him to get past the things you've done and go on with his life, and to his credit he seems to be fully aware of the obvious. Otherwise he'll never get past the things you've done if he keeps allowing himself to be sucked back into the vortex of your self-absorbed cruelty and insensitivity."I really think he was the love of my life "If he was the love of your life, then you wouldn't have been so continuously cruel to him just to win petty arguments in order to get the satisfaction of being right. If he was the love of your life, then you'd be genuinely remorseful about the hurt you caused him. If he was the love of your life, then you would be worrying more about the deep emotional scars you caused and less about your own bruised ego. Actions have consequences, and sometimes the consequences resulting from one's actions are beyond one's capacity to make amends and start fresh. You can only benefit from this experience by learning from it, and sadly your post demonstrates you currently lack the insight to understand the lesson you should have learned.
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