A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have always been the kind of person who has thought infidelity is the worst thing you can ever do to a person,in a word - the ultimate be-trail that is why I'm so confused at the moment, I feel sick inside. I have been with my partner 10 years, he is kind, loyal, caring considerate and loving all the things you could ever want or need in a man. About 4 or 5 yrs ago I met a guy who became a good friend about a year and a half ago, we became much closer and he became what I would describe as one of my nest friends. I am also friends with his wife, he has never met my partner. I see him usually about once a week, a year a go we a gang of us where on a night out and it ended up being me and him chatting together for most of the night, we had a cheeky little flirt which i enjoyed - as deep down I fancied him rotten, nothing wrong with that - look but don't touch was my policy! Our chat gota bit more serious when he said - he thought that we clicked so well, and he reckoned if we both were single we would be together, it was the way he looked at me i knew he had feelings for me too. I'm not trying to make excuses for what happened next - just trying to give a bit of background information. Over the next few weeks our flirting turned to "sexting" which turned to suggestive remarks, which turned to us having sex. 3 months after that I met him again for a fumble - not full sex just hands fingers and mouths being used. we remained friends and never spoke about it, which messed with my head for a number of months, as i really really do care about him, recently we have started flirting again, and I know I would do it again, I know I'm playing with fire, I know I'm being selfish, you don't need to tell me that, He just has this power over me, and i cant help it, i have NEVER cheated before him, or since and I never would, with anyone else, its just him - he seems to have a power over me. and i love my partner so much - i really do, that is why I am so confused, hurt and guilty. I'd lose everything and everyone i care about if this ever came out, I cant even cut him out my life as he is in my close circle of friends. I have never told anyone about this before, i just don't know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): This man doesn't have any control over u . U just use this as an excuse to cheat on your common law hb. No one is forcing u to have sex with your lover. U WANTED this with him insopite of him alsoi being married.U have not only lied to your c.l hb, but this mans wife as well. How do u even face her when u are with her? Homewrecker and betrayer? Not a good feeling is it?O use feeling confused and Selfish if u are deliberately doing wrong to destroy peoples lives. Your friends and family will make certain u are viewed as a homewrecker , only concerned about your sexual affairand not about destroying the lives around u.Playing with fire. Hell yes. The consequences? Hun, all it takes is just one time to spead your legs then it doesn't matter whether u cheat 10 times thereafter. A cheater will always be a cheaterU need to relook at your concept of "love" for your partner. If u truly loved him u wouldnthave cheated. U need to stop justifying your betrayal. If u are truly sorry for your cheating then cut off all contact with your "friend". No buts. Just do it. Making all sort of promises not to cheat with anyone else just doesn't cut it. U are still cheating with him. Don't think your friends haven't noticed your "affair" .are u certain your secret is safe. Trust me the story always come out when u least expect it.I'm curious: how do u go out ALL the time without your hb? Perhaps u need to cut the clubbing, the boozing, the good time girl antics, and The touchy feely "sex friendship".If u are serious about changing your cheating ways, then u need to make proper amends and not just mere words.It was so easy to betray your relationship but now u realise just how wrong u were. LoveGirl
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 First of all he's not a friend. Friends don't do that. You also say you'd never do it again with another man. You don't know that. There other men out there who would be even more attractive to you than the guy you're fooling around with. You just haven't met them yet. The truth is that there are always people out there we become attracted to. The trick is to realize and put the brakes on. That didn't happen here. Something made you weak and you allowed it happen you hsve to keep your distance from this guy or be prepared for the fall out. I don't think it's really possible to love a person and cheat on them. Decide what you want in life and deal with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): As you say yourself it's playing with fire......Just imagine if it was your husband and a woman friend who 'has power over me' so flirted and had sex
How would you feel?
a)Completely devastated
b)Forgiving cos he's never done it before
Read some of the questions/answers re cheating on here then consider your options
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