A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,So my ex and I broke up a Couple of months ago. We needed the time to resolve some issues and now we have decided to try again. I dated during our break up, and he did too except he went on a dating profile as he's not a big drinker and also has no time for clubbing etc to meet girls. He organised a few dates and kissed a couple of girls. I know it's totally hypocritical of me, especially because I slept with someone else. But I'm so jealous of these girls he dated. Even though he said it was more of a friendly buzz with them. Since getting back - he says he knows exactly what he wants now. I even got a four page letter from him! He says he wants me, and to get married and have a baby and buy a house. However we are going to take things slowly to make sure getting back together is going to work.How do I stop this silly jealousy!?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 July 2014):
 Urgh, you should have never asked about what he did when single.
How to get over it? Respect that you and him were single. In your head, it sounds like you don't recognize that you were single. If you had NOT been with him before, and then broken up, and he was just a guy you recently met.. would you have felt this way about it then? No.
I think you and him are possibly jumping too fast in to a "new" relationship. Just because you and him have dated before doesn't mean you can treat this like an old relationship and as if you already have a say on his life. You're a new girlfriend, and he's a new boyfriend. Treat him as such, and I am sure the jealousy over who he kissed before he became your boyfriend will go away.
A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (28 July 2014):
 Congratulations on getting back together. The best way to deal with this is to focus on something else when jealous thoughts pop into your head. Force them out of your mind. Right now you are dwelling on it and over thinking it. When a thought comes into your head about his dates remind yourself you went on dates too, but you are back and love him so he did the same. Remind yourself it was only fair he went on dates too during this break and that you are being unfair to him. It isn't a jab at you, it is for you to be empathetic and put yourself in his shoes. Then think about something else entirely. You really do have to force it out. Change your thought process about it. Then over enough time you won't think of it anymore.
It's natural to feel jealous but that's the nature of a break. Also remember anything he did during that time will actually help your relationship, he saw what else was out there and wants you over the rest. And he learned more about what he's looking for. So the dates were a good thing for you and your relationship. I wish you both luck.
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