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female
,
anonymous
writes: I broke up with my fiance a week ago and have tried very hard to not answer his calls. But just a few minutes ago he called and my caller id said "unknown" so stupidly I answered and it was him. He said that that was the only way he thought i would answer. I told him it was best to have a clean break and that I didn't see the point in still talking, at least not this soon. He said we were talking because we both still cared. I feel like the relationship was emotionally abusive, that I could never make him happy. He just said that I loved him and he thinks he did show it. He said we could at least email. I ended the phone call just saying "I don't know." It's weird because everytime we talk and he says how much he loves and misses me I get caught up with thinking that maybe I did just blow everything out of proportion. But then, he would do things in the relationship that everyone else told me were abusive. By the last week we were becoming physically violent: I tore a picture of us and he tried to restrain me which left bruises on my arms. Then, he said he would continue to look at girls and I had to deal with it and I didn't agree and wanted to talk but he just cut me off, tried to sleep and got mad because i called him a slut so physically tried to push me out of his rv. anyway, i have to keep reminding myself that he got mad if i didn't drink or smoke or have sex with him, and many other disturbing behaviors. I think I know that's it's right that I left, but my heart is telling me something else. It doesn't help that he calls when I'm missing him and trying to get over him. Do I change my number? Why does he want to stay in contact? What do I do?!
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (16 October 2007):
 Change your number instantly. Don't you see how controlling his behaviour is? You are one of the rare examples of a girl realising how destructive a controlling man can be in a relationship. Yet its tempting isnt it to go back? That's what he wants. He cant abide the fact that he is losing is hold over you and he wont stop here (unless he meets another submissive type who will bow to his every whim - then watch how quickly the phone calls stop)
This guy will continue to try and control you, you have to change your number and think what makes this type of man attractive to you, otherwise you will meet a similar man in the future and the pattern of behaviour will start over.
Just be thankful, like many who post on this site with similar problems, that you havent got a couple of kids he can use against you as a bargaining chip.
If he continues to harrass you, call the police. You may need to.
A
female
reader, Gemini1506  +, writes (15 October 2007):
if getting back with him dont seem right then dont do
tell him its best for him to stop calling
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A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help +, writes (15 October 2007):
 ok first of all you did the right thing by slipting up with him. please don't let him get to you, change your number if you wish. Once a anyone knows that they can control you, they think that by saying sorry and that they will change, that you will come back, at first he will be all nice and loving the next thing you know, he will twist everything around and say that it is your fought, and than the physical stuff will happen. for your own sake do not go back, he will never change and you deserve better. get away change your number, do anything to stop him seeing you so that you can make a slow recovery from him. as for your heart telling it was wrong, everytime you break up with someone and you hear (either from them or a friend) that they are lost with out you, it hurts you because you think that you have done a bad thing, do not and i repeat do not full for it, its a good way to make people feel bad but don't fall for it.
I hope you can make a full recovery from him and hope that you know that not all men are the same even though it can seem that they are. good luck and if you want to talk some more you can email me. xxxxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (15 October 2007):
You did the right thing. Of course he wants you back, he had a good punching bag.
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