| A
male
,
*hredordie
writes: My ex girlfriend and I have been broken up for a little over a year now. While I still have strong feelings for her and would love to get back together with her (she was the one who broke up with me), I feel like I live a happy single life and am not too hung up on her. I feel like I'd even be happy if she started dating one of the millions of great single guys out there. But she's not ... she decided that she is going to start dating one of my best friends.Now, right after we broke up, my ex started seeing this one guy (not my friend). During this relationship and about 3 months after we broke up, she hooked up with my best buddy (probably around when he broke up with his girlfriend). This was a guy I thought I could trust and who I confided in about my breakup; who I told how much I cared for my ex.Anyway, so I didn't find out about this right away. They actually hooked up several times over the course of the previous year, behind my back, while she was still dating the other guy and after those two broke up. A couple of months ago, he came clean with me (along with another good friend of mine who also had hooked up with her on 2 occasions) and said that he was sorry for what he did, that he hoped we could still be friends and that it would never happen again.Well, I eventually forgave him. And we attempted to be friends. I did not feel however that he was really sorry, or at least he didn't show me that he wanted to earn my trust and respect back. He continued to talk and hang out constantly with my ex, and on one occasion I had the feeling that she spent the night at his place and when I confronted him about it, he said that he was too drunk to walk her home so he let her crash there while he slept on a separate cot. He then went on to say that I was being really paranoid and that she was one of his best friends just like I am. I was really pissed off and didn't speak to him for the next month or so.Which brings us to the current state of things. I hadn't spoken to either of them for a while so I IMed my ex a couple of days ago just to chat and see how things were. The next day she IMed me to chat and this is when the truth came out. They are dating, or at least not officialy, but they are talking about things and would like to date but are unsure about things because they don't want to ruin their friendship, and he is moving to NYC while she still has another year of school left. I found it funny that she was the one who had to tell me this and he didn't have the balls. She is even planning on subletting his roomates apartment over the summer, so they'll be living together for a few months!!??Anyway, I told her as best I could without getting angry that they could date, I can respect that but I am not going to be a part of it. I am going to have remove myself from both of their lives. That's the short version of it, but I don't remember everything I said. I am really disappointed in my friend. And I still really really miss my ex. I wish that I could find someone else to get my mind of her. What do you guys think about my situation? I know I'm probably taking my feelings for her out on my friend, but I am really upset. I trusted him and if my best friends are friends with my ex I feel like he should have had my back, even influenced her to come back to me. Not do this. I feel like that's an unsaid thing. I feel like he's being selfish. Please let me know what your thoughts are. I'm really angry and confused right now. Thank you.
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, drunk, ex girlfriend, get back together, miss my ex, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maryann61181  +, writes (7 April 2007):
 Unfortunately you have come out on top, whether you see it now or not. These people were not good to have in your life and you are right in being angry and upset. These emtions don't make the situation any better, but just know now that your friend was not true to you, hence was not a friend. These are selfish people and they deserve eachother. You sound like an intelligent and very caring individual. You will experience some long hauls ahead of you, just because you are sensitive to romance. I gather since your 'friend' is in college that you are about the same age - early twenties. There are many good woman out there who are experiencing the same problems. I too have experienced a similar problem, except my boyfriend has played the I love you, but I need this other woman to set on the back burner - even though I'm pregnant. People are selfish in general and the only thing we can do is be as strong as we can for the moment at least and remember the postive that we do have in our lives. I'm sorry you are going through this, but they will experience karma one way or another and if you're a spiritual person - well you know the answer. Do something to keep your mind off of the circumstance. Talk to your family and friends, but try not to look down on these people too much. It's easy to hate - we all do it.
A
female
reader, ingotblue  +, writes (7 April 2007):
 I dont think you are angry with the fact that they are together, but the fact that they went about it in such an underhanded way.You are totally right to have these feelings, If I was in your situation I would feel the same way you are.What you need to have a look at is how you feel about the two of them as individuals now.Do you feel you can trust either of them? Do you feel that your friend has continued to earn the respect you gave him in the first place? And do you feel that they respect you?I think the best thing would be to tell your friend how you feel hes treated you, and gauge from his reaction as to weather or not you want to continue to be his friend.Any relationship be it friendship or relationship has to work on a basis of honesty and I would say neither of them have been honest with you.If you feel that you could re-build the honesty you had with either of them then you would be right to continue to regard them as friends if not then it would be best to cut yourself free, you dont need any heart ache.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2007): sounds to me like there not mates at all! i would neva go with anyone my friends have been with expecally if they still like them,this girl seems like shes a bit of a player hunni.and to be fair i no its hard but ur better off with out her! i used to be so in love with this guy and then we broke up and after a year of wanting him.. i seperated my self from him and his friends with him not been around it was out of sight out of mind n this really helped me and i hope this helps u hunni! there arre plenty more girls out there!
...............................
|
