A
female
age
,
*ollywood54
writes:I've been in a relationship with someone for almost 14 years. We became engaged in 2014. There are so many problems with this relationship it is impossible to list. Starting with alcoholism (him), cheating (him), lies (him), etc. I am no angel but entirely devoted. I know the smart thing to do would be to end this relationship as well as healthy. This is the first time I have experienced unconditional love other than my children and am unsure what to do. I am not happy and the turmoil is constant. He keeps saying he wants to spend the rest of our lives together yet he continually gives the impression he is single by stating he lives alone when he lives with me. I recently found out he has cheated. He is a true narcissist (sp?). I know what I should do but I can't imagine him not being in my life.
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (12 December 2016):
 Girl you must be delusional, out of your mind if you think this is unconditional love! He’s keeping you hostage because he knows you’re too insecure to leave him when you have and give plenty of reason to leave.
Truly who cares if he’s a narcissist! It’s plain to see he’s harmful to your health and happiness. If he were a bottle; his label would come with a warning and read; TOXIC harmful to your health! Yet you’d ignore this label and think he’s an antidote for your loneliness and go get engaged to him.
If you know what you should do and don’t do it, I think they call that crazy, it’s like you’re banging you head up against a brick wall, not expecting to get a headache. I suspect you’re tied after 14 years of his BS but can’t imagine what a NORMAL life would be like with someone new.
One thing’s for sure if you stay with him you’ll be selling yourself short in the one life you have here. He plays on your weakness and in this case your devotion is a weakness as he has used this devotion to get away with cheating etc. Give him permission why don’t you? You’ll still stay devoted? Had you a backbone and told him to FO it would have saved you 14 tumultuous unhappy years.
Make a resolution for 2017 to seek true freedom… you don’t have to be an Angel to deserve much better in a partner or for you and your children. I’m no Angel too, but I’m dang sure I’d not to be so devoted to someone like you BF.
Take Care - CAA
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 December 2016):
 He is who he is, and you KNOW what he is like yet you STILL CHOOSE to get engaged to him and to LIVE with him.
LOVE is not going to fix him or change him. THIS is who he is.
Getting married will NOT change him either.
This is a guy who will do WHATEVER he wants regardless of you, your feelings and the commitment he "claims" to want to make.
YOU can LOVE someone and NOT be with them. Because being with them is NOT the smart thing to do.
I think you are SO used to being in this dysfunctional relationship that you seem to think that THIS is how it will always be, that this is the "best" you can get and that being single is too scary.
Sorry, OP you can point out ALL his flaws, but you need to either END it or SUCK it up - because HE will not change or be the man you want him to be.
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