A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I'm just looking for some relationship advice. I've been with my boyfriend for almost four years. We're both 32. Here is just some background info - 2 and a half years ago, my wonderful grandparents moved into a bungalow as they were in their late 80's and their home wasn't practical for them anymore, with steep stairs and kitchen steps, it was getting difficult for them to get around so when they moved into their bungalow, they very kindly left their house to me, for which I was extremely grateful and still am. Sadly, last September my lovely grandfather passed away after a battle with cancer. I'm very close to both my grandparents and this was a massive shock for myself and my family. I found it so difficult to come to terms with, however with the support of my amazing family and friends and a grief counsellor, I managed to get myself back in order. I also got offered a really good job 3 months after his passing, which really helped get me back in routine again. Although I suffer with anxiety and depression, I feel I'm getting there slowly. When my grandfather passed, my boyfriend decided to move in with me. I agreed, as I didn't want to be lonely. That was ten months ago. Within a week of him moving in, he lost his job. At first I was okay with this, thinking he'll find another soon as he's been working since the age of 16. That was ten months ago and he still hasn't found another job. I'm really starting to resent him now because he gets £400 a month in benefits and £200 of that is spent on cannabis. He has £200 spare and that usually goes towards gambling. Within a week, he has no money left and he's more than happy to see me paying £550 a month on essential bills. Gas, electricity, water rates, council tax, food shopping etc.I try to budget my monthly pay as best I can as I'm trying to save up for home improvements, however I'm usually left with no money before my next pay date, and I usually end up borrowing £100 off my dad to see me through until my next pay day. I feel extremely guilty for asking my dad for money, even though I pay him back as soon as I'm paid, but he's on a pension after working hard all his life, and I don't want to keep relying on him. Every week, I limit myself to £100 which I use for food shopping, fuel to get to work and I also have a dog who I love dearly, and her weekly food and essentials come out of the weekly £100. I then have to buy my boyfriends weekly food and give him money for fuel to get to appointments. If I can't afford to give him money for fuel, he borrows my car and he brings it back smelling of cannabis and mess in the passenger footwell which I have to clean up. In between my shifts at work, I also care for my lovely grandmother and we have to attend hospital appointments quite regularly so it's not ideal to have my car smelling of cannabis when we're attending a hospital appointment. I have told my boyfriend to respect my property as I wouldn't do that in his car, but he doesn't listen.I also ask him to stop smoking cannabis in my living room, as me and my dog use that room also and I certainly don't want her around the smoke, but he says he can't smoke outside because the neighbours will smell it, so me and my dog usually spend our evenings upstairs in my bedroom. We have a weekly argument on a Monday as that's the day when I transfer my £100 to live on for the week. I try not to argue with him but I just explain that I cant keep running a house and keeping him on one wage. He usually goes upstairs in a huff and goes to his room to play on xbox, while I walk my dog and get ready for work. (Yes I said his room - we don't sleep in the same room anymore). When I'm in work, he'll text to say sorry and then I have these overwhelming feelings of guilt, so when I get home, I usually give him some money to buy food for himself. He then goes out for an hour and comes back with cannabis. If I ask him where his food shopping is, he'll say he ate at a friend's house and so I usually end up giving him more money through the week and leaving myself short. I realise how stupid I sound, I really do, but when I see him looking upset because he has no money I feel so guilty. To the point where I feel like a terrible person because it's my fault that he can't eat. I mentioned we sleep in separate rooms. This is because he doesn't like sleeping next to me. We haven't had sex in around eight months and he never shows me affection and has never told me he loves me, simply because he's told me he doesn't love me. When we first got together, he broke up with me twice for someone else. When she ended things between them, he came back to me, and like a fool I welcomed him with open arms, telling myself things will be different this time. But they weren't. My best friend keeps urging me to throw him out, but he hasn't got anywhere to go. When I've sat down with him and explain how I feel, he cries and begs me not to throw him out. Again, that makes me feel guilty and I'm the one who ends up upset. During our four years, he's said some really hurtful things. I suffer with alopecia and occasionally I have to wear wigs if my hair loss gets so bad that I can no longer hide it. One day I was driving him to an appointment at the job centre (I'd recently had a new car and I didn't want him to drive it until he'd got used to it). I took a wrong turning and he went crazy, calling me a stupid, fat, ugly, useless bitch. He was pointing in my face, poking me in the side of my head and I had to pull over as I was getting upset. When I turned the engine off, I held my head in my hands on the steering wheel and he pulled my wig off my head in front of a park full of people. I was absolutely mortified and rushed to secure it back on before anyone saw. He then punched my windscreen, causing it to crack. I'd only had the car for 4 days. When we got home I went straight to my room and he came up an hour later and said he was making pizza and asked if I wanted any. No apology, nothing. He hasn't done anything like that since, but I feel nervous and on edge around him all the time.I know I have to break up with him but can I really just kick him out when he has nowhere to go? I cry myself to sleep sometimes out of guilt that he may be hungry but when I've got no money left myself I can't afford to feed myself, never mind anyone else. I'm really sorry this post is so long. I really hope someone can offer me advice.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 July 2020):
 I wanted to add this, because I re-read your post and I think the reason you haven't kicked him out is because you don't know how to go about it.
So I'd offer this advice:
Check with Citizen's Advice on HOW you evict someone LEGALLY, just to dot your i's and cross your t's.
Once you have done that (and filled out any form or whatnot) You ASK some of your male relatives or BF's of your friends (they can come with the GF's too, the more the merrier).
TELL him YOU are done. The relationship is no longer working for either of you and you no longer want him in YOUR house. (was this the guy who smashed some lamps in the house too?)
And then you SERVE him the papers (if you have to give him an eviction notice) and ask him THERE and THEN to pack his stuff and LEAVE - give him 45 minutes to pack and GTFO.
TELL him, if he leave anything behind, you will pack it up and he can pick it up OUTSIDE your house.
Call a lock smith, change your locks. Don't wait until the next day. THAT day.
If he acts up (even in front of friends) CALL the Police. Don't let him intimidate you. CALL the Police.
Once he is out, GO OVER every inch of the house and make sure there are no drugs or other belonging of his laying around. I'd suggest you have a box you can carry around and put his old stuff in there. Close it, seal it with packing tape and text him to pick it up from your front porch or down by the road. Up to you.
Once he has picked it up (and if he doesn't give him a week and then it goes in the trash). Then you BLOCK his number.
IF he calls, texts or try and show up, HAVE your doors locked, do not answer calls or text OR the door. If he throws a fit at your front door, CALL the Police.
Feeling guilty for kicking him out is moot, HE needs to go. And you know it. This isn't you kicking a kitten, OP this is you telling a GROWN ASS man to get out because he is no longer someone you WANT to be with. Nothing wrong there.
If you WANT to feel sorry, feel a little sorry for yourself for having ALLOWED this man to make a mockery out of what you have to offer, of your relationship and you. Then kick him out and stop feeling sorry for him AND you.
This isn't working. It won't work. You know that.
Come on OP, We are all rooting for you! You can do this.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 July 2020):
 First of all, my deepest condolences on the loss of your lovely grandfather. If you want to summon up strength to deal with this situation, perhaps you can hold in your mind how sad your grandfather will be feeling, looking down and seeing you being so abused by this specimen you have living in the home he so kindly gave you.
The first sentence in your post which gave me a good idea of what was really going on here was when you wrote "my boyfriend decided to move in with me. Not "I invited my boyfriend to move in" or "we decided to move in together". Do you see where I am going with this? HE decided to move in. I know you probably agreed at the time, because you were feeling vulnerable, having recently lost someone who was so special to you, but your "boyfriend" (we'll move on to that) took full advantage of your kind nature, your sadness and your vulnerability to invade your space and install his entitled self in what should be your happy space, your safe space.
Sweetheart, you do not share your house with a "boyfriend"; you share it with a SQUATTER, and a flaming disrespectful one at that. The only time he is nice to you is when he wants to protect his situation.
It says a lot to me when I read someone as kindhearted as you writing "I feel like a terrible person because it's my fault that he can't eat". NO, it is not YOUR fault he can't eat. He is an adult. He has £400 a month he chooses to smoke and gamble away. He chooses to waste the money you give him for food on cannabis. He CHOOSES to do these things.
This part of your post so reminded me of a similar situation in which I found myself many years ago: "I know I have to break up with him but can I really just kick him out when he has nowhere to go? I cry myself to sleep sometimes out of guilt that he may be hungry but when I've got no money left myself I can't afford to feed myself, never mind anyone else." Fortunately my "house guest" at the time wasn't anywhere near as bad as yours. There were no drugs involved. He was not being a parasite and living off my money. It was simply that our relationship had run its course and I could not see any way back, so I asked him to leave. Like your squatter, he cried and said he had nowhere to go. I insisted he had to leave and told him he had better find somewhere. One day he just disappeared with all his stuff while I was at work, taking a lot of my stuff wit him as well. Yes, he did find somewhere else to live. There was never much danger of him being homeless. The "I have nowhere to go" is just a pathetic attempt to stall you and play on your good nature. If he HAS to find somewhere, trust me, he will.
You sound like a lovely caring person, just the type of person a leach like this will attach himself to and parasitically live off. He is dragging you down with him. You and your dog deserve so much better. Your grandfather would be mortified if he could see what has become of the home he so lovingly gave you. He gave it you to keep YOU safe, not to house some bum who thinks it is acceptable to not only live off someone else but to disrespect them and abuse them in the process.
Advice? Here it is:
1. STOP FEELING SORRY FOR HIM.
2. START SEEING YOUR OWN WORTH.
3. GET RID OF THIS SQUATTER.
He has told you he doesn't love you. He has abused you. He has disrespected you. He had taken full advantage of you. If it helps, this is what you can replace him with:
1. Peace and quiet in your own home for you and your dog, instead of living under siege from this invader.
2. Sufficient money for yourself and your dog to live off.
3. Sufficient income to put money aside for the home improvements you would like to make.
4. Using your grandfather's house as he would have wanted.
Sweetheart, you are worth so much better and you can do so much better. The quicker you get rid of this invader in your home, the quicker you can move on. Once you have got him out, do not, under any circumstances, allow him back in because the cycle will start all over again.
Be strong. It's what your grandfather would have wanted.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2020): I am the OP.
Thank you to each and every one of you for your replies. Thinking about it, I guess I did come here for sympathy to some degree. I know what I have to do.
I met him online almost four years ago but he's not from another country, he lived 20 miles away from me. When we met, he was living with his parents. He was working full time, 6 days a week, he had savings to put a deposit down on a house.
For the first 2 years we were seeing one another every weekend, then he'd go back home. When I was lucky enough to be able to move into my grandparents' house 2 and a half years ago, he would come and stay with me from Friday - Sunday, leaving Sunday night ready for work the next day. Things were okay, we would chill and watch movies, walk my dog together, but he never wanted to do anything else. He never wanted to go for dinner or go for drinks - not that I minded, but it just seemed odd that he only wanted to spend time with me indoors or for dog walks in secluded areas.
I've never met his friends or family. He said he's not the type for big introductions.
He's met 2 of my closest friends as they come over regularly and we go out walking with our dogs - he makes conversation with them but they don't like him.
He's never met my dad. I'm very close to my dad, he's been there for me through thick and thin. When I was on a downward spiral through depression and anxiety, it was my dad that got me out of it, coming to see me every day, encouraging me to go out and do things and slowly I got myself back together.
My dad used to invite my boyfriend and I to his house, which he shares with my lovely step mother and my half brother, for food and drinks, but my boyfriend always declined the offer and I'd end up going alone, making excuses for him.
My dad would ask if there's a reason why my boyfriend wouldn't meet him, he thought maybe he'd said or done something to offend him and wanted to put it right, but I just had to explain that he's not one for family gatherings. That would make me feel awful. My dad is a wonderful man, he's always had my best interests at heart so it was hurtful for both of us when my boyfriend wouldn't come to meet him. My dad has stopped asking now, and we don't talk about him.
It's not really loneliness that I'm afraid of. It's the fact that I'm 32 years of age and I'm at a great place in my life with a good job, my own home, a lovely pet dog and amazing friends and family, and I'm ready to settle down and start a family of my own.
My parents have been separated for 25 years. Dad moved on and is married to my step mother, who I adore, she's a wonderful person. I'm also close to my mother, I'm her only child and I'd love to have children as she adores my cousins' children. I want to be able to give her a grandchild while I'm still young enough to be able to do so.
I know I could never have children with this man. But I worry that I won't ever meet someone else, someone who will love me as much as I love them. My self esteem is at rock bottom at the moment and although I know there's not a massive rush, I would really like to have children.
Thank you all again for your comments, I really appreciate the time each and every one of you has taken to respond to me and given me good, solid advice and guidance, it means a lot.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2020): OP, please accept my condolences on losing your beloved grandfather. The man living at YOUR house is no boyfriend: no sex for 8mo plus he told you that he does not love you. Since he has no place to go, you should do the following: advise him that if he wants to stay for 3mos, that you will rent him a room. Advise him that his rent will be 200 pounds, to be paid on the day he receives his 400 pound benefit. Warn him that he will NEVER drive YOUR car again! Make him pay for the windshield which he broke: payments of 30 pounds per mo until it is paid for! No cannibis in YOUR home Period, and his room is in YOUR home! Advise him to use his remaining 170 pounds wisely, because if he wastes his money, he must walk, since public transit charges to ride, and he also will not eat! NEVER loan him or give him any money! Demand that he find a job, because he must leave your home by Nov 1st 2020! WARN him, that if he EVER lays hands on you that you will have him arrested for assault, and BAN him from YOUR home! My Best!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2020): I'm not going to kick you while you're down, my dear. You've been through more than enough. I know that you will get a lot of sympathy; and some great advice from our compassionate group of aunts and uncles. That includes myself.
Don't ever refer to yourself as stupid, or use derogatory-descriptions in the first-person; because it amounts to cursing yourself. I mean never do that! Words have power, and telling yourself you are weak, stupid, or ugly; becomes true only in your mind, from self-brainwashing. You'll actually make it come-true; and you will convince yourself through self-fulfilling prophecy. You'll end-up doing all sorts of things, totally out of character; that will confirm your self-denigration and self-depreciation. That also fuels your depression, and you'll spiral into a state of despair. That's when you become emotionally-disabled to the degree you cannot function or work. Don't you dare give him the satisfaction! You are much stronger than you're giving yourself credit for; you've never been forced to dip into that inner-resource of reserve-strength. It becomes necessary for survival through times such as these. It's him or you, baby! It's your castle, and you're the queen!
Pushed to our limits, unexpectedly, we discover we are much stronger than we might perceive! At the moment, you have this misconception that you're powerless. If you haven't had enough yet; your post says you're pretty much on your way there! He's reaching that final-straw that breaks the camel's back! We can all advise you; until we're blue in the face! You won't move a muscle until that happens. Like some, you may even keep writing; until you find someone who tells you what you want to hear. Condescending to you like you're a pitiful-child. That won't be me! I empower people! I encourage them, to do what's best for them; but that's all I can do. You're a grown-woman, and you'll do what you want to do.
If you hear degrading-commentary or insults coming out of the mouths of mean-spirited people; that's all she wrote. Then you will assume that's how everyone perceives you. Then you're harder on yourself than anybody-else!!! You must cease and desist with doing that to yourself! You've backed yourself into a corner; but you also have a built-in natural-sense of survival, just like everybody else. Something is astir! We are now in the eye of the tempest, and the storm is brewing!
Please forgive my frankness. I use tough-love, because people allow their emotions to take complete control of them. In such a state of mind, and in total anguish; they aren't really asking us for our advice. They're venting, and looking for sympathy. Searching for someone who knows their pain. That we can provide in generous supply. That's good; but not a lot of help.
By the length of your post; I see that you're totally desperate, and you feel helpless. You have to go through a range of emotions first; until you come to a point of frustration and disgust. I'd suggest that you sit-down, and read your post back to yourself. Start to finish! Ponder over the hurtful things he's doing to you; and the damage he is doing to your mental-health. Look at what your "sympathy" for him allows; while he is totally unsympathetic towards YOU! He sees you as an easy meal-ticket; a woman too weak to stand-up and put him out! He takes advantage of your kindness, and uses intimidation. He cuts you down, to keep you in a state of depression and passive-submission. You fall completely apart when he shouts at you; so, he can also utilize the fear-factor caused by his aggression as a tool to keep you in a very submissive-state. If I could give you a hug to console and comfort you, I would. I would personally grab that scumbag by the scruff of the neck; and toss him, and all his belongings, into the middle of the street! Alas, I cannot!
I often suggest that distraught-women round-up all the strongest male-relatives they can find; and ask them to help you to put your EX-boyfriend out of your house. You have to summon some courage; and let your guilt sit on the back-burner for the time-being. Save all your regret and feeling-sorry for him; until after you put him out! The reason he has no place to go, is because everyone who knows him knows what to expect. He searched for a lonely and vulnerable-female, living alone; because they are sometimes gullible, or naive. Likely to think they've got themselves a live-in boyfriend. Surprise! You went for the bait, and now you're on the hook! He showed his true-colors quickly! He was looking for the perfect-opportunity to quit his job, so he could smoke pot all-day. He could also have done it to avoid drug-testing; if his boss is suspicious he's been doing it on the job. A guy with the kind of work-ethic you claim he had, doesn't depend on women to take care of them. He would have moved-out, because his pride just wouldn't allow it. He's using your car, damaging your property, taking your money. You obviously met this loser online. You swiftly moved him in, with little or no knowledge of his background. Just his stories; and likely, a completely fictitious-profile. Did you bring him there from another country? Your story seems vaguely familiar!
Schedule a date and time to meet with all your male-relatives at your parent's house. This is no time for you to be embarrassed; or shy about making a whopper of a mistake. If this continues, they'll be rolling you out of your house on a gurney, wrapped in a straight-jacket mumbling nonsense to yourself. You'll be behind padded-walls, or drugged-out on antidepressants lying in a hospital-bed; meanwhile, he and his friends are having weed-smoking parties at your house. While your poor dog is either alone, or grieving in your absence. No-one to care for the poor thing; or it becomes the responsibility thrust upon relatives, or friends who have advised you over and over and over...to put him out!!! You won't, and you make lame excuses for it! You are more afraid of loneliness; than worrying what happens to him. He's a grown-man!!! Found you didn't he?
How happy and exuberant are you while he's still there? If some guy had the audacity to swear at me, and poke me in the head with a finger; I swear he'd draw-back a hand missing a finger, or the nub left of it!!! I'm not advocating violence! I'm a guy, and that's easy for me to say. You're not, but I think I know a few females who'd do worse than that! One lady, who's a kick-boxer, comes to mind! She learned self-defense, after a bad-experience. She was never the timid-type of female even before that!
You need a few strong-menfolk to give you backup; and a couple of women in the group, to talk sense into you when you start talking foolishly about how sorry you feel for that no-good bag of dog-poop! Your emotional-health is being affected, and you're writing a desperate-post to people hundreds or thousands of miles away; when you have family and friends already there to back you up. To whom you're too ashamed to admit that they're right; but you'd settle for our sympathy, rather than taking some action that will yield the actual results you need and deserve. You know they'd rush to your rescue at the drop of a hat, if you'd asked them to! You're stalling! You're being prideful, and don't want them to see your mistake first-hand!
Check with all your male-friend contacts and family-members; and ask for their help in removing a man from your house. Inform the local police that your family is helping you to evict a man, whom you need out of your house. You want no trouble from him; and you feel uncomfortable with this situation. Family is only there for your support, and have no intentions of doing him any harm. They are only protecting you. Give them a description or picture of him; and tell them something about his past behavior, and why you had to have him removed.
Otherwise, read our advise. Save it. It's not given for entertainment. Or, you can use it; and get that man out of your life!!! Let him worry about where he goes! He can stay with the people who sell him pot! I bet for certain, then he'll use his unemployment-compensation more wisely!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2020): Get rid of this horrible monster.
Never ever feel guilty or sorry for him.
He is nothing but a bully and only you can put a stop to it.
Get some help to get him out of your home and don’t look back.
This is absolutely disgusting. And eventually he may hurt you very badly.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (20 July 2020):
 I'm really sorry to hear what you have been going through, its not a very nice situation to be in at all.
I would not really call this a relationship you are in, your both in separate rooms, not had sex in ages, and he is just there for a free ride. He probably can't believe his luck that he has been there this long. In fact reading your post i find it hard to believe that this guy is 32, he is acting like a spoilt teenager
He is a leech, a user, and by all accounts an all round waste of space that has taken advantage of your good nature.
I can't believe that you give him money for food and petrol, then he uses it to go and buy cannabis.
Some of the things he has done i just find totally incomprehensible. Smoking cannabis in your car, leaving it in a state, knowing full well that your using it to take your grandmother to a hospital appointment. Of course he does not listen, he is an ignoramus who has not got any respect for anything.
The situation in the car where he turned violent really should have been the final straw, he really should have had his marching orders after that day.
People like this never change, this is going to go on and on until you make a stand and say enough is enough. You have got to stop worrying that he has no where to go, that is not your responsibility, its his. He does not care about you, so its high time you stopped caring about him.
Maybe when you throw him out make sure you have got some friends over for support, and witnesses if things turn awkward. I know its hard because you are a good and kind caring person, but honestly, sending him packing will be the best move you ever made, but sending him packing you must.
After he has gone change the locks, and delete all contact with him, and don't answer if he ever comes knocking. Use hindsight and remember that his apologies mean diddly squat, and would only ever be apologising to worm his way back in.
Get him out and start living your life, the life you deserve. You can and you will find happiness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2020): Oh my love, I'm so sorry you lost your Granddad and I'm so sorry you have this excuse for a human being living with you.
This man you're with knows what a sweet, hard working and kind person he has and he is exploiting your feelings for him or your guilt to the max.
You give to him and look after him as if he is your responsibility and he acts violently towards you, belittling you to boot. He's told you he doesn't love you and he sure as hell doesn't respect you. But to be brutally honest, why would he respect you? You act with no respect to yourself, so you can't expect it from others.
Ever heard of being taken advantage of? Believe me, this guy cannot believe his luck and I bet he expects you to come to your senses and chuck him out, every day, and must wonder at his luck that you don't.
Imagine your sister or friend telling you this
tale. I bet you'd be round there in a shot, packing his bags for him and sending him on his way!
I want to do the same for you. You said that you know you must kick him out, but you don't. Why is that? Is it guilt because he has nowhere to go? THAT is on him. He is an adult who can score drugs, who can find a female to scrounge off and abuse, who can look after himself very well thank you, he just doesn't have to while he's got you and your bleeding heart, caring about him. He does not care about you, not ONE IOTA. Remember that when you get rid of him.
When you finally tell him to sling his sorry hook, THEN he'll respect you. Right now he knows that for some reason you have no backbone where he's concerned and he's taking advantage of you. He must laugh himself to sleep every night.
I don't mean to be nasty, you sound lovely, I just want you to see him for what he is and that people like him, can take care of themselves very well thank you, when they HAVE to.
I'm much more concerned about your ability to look after yourself emotionally. He'll be fine. He's an ar***ole. Ar***oles always manage to secure whatever they need for themselves. Look at how well he's doing now!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2020): Typical behaviour of a junky. You have to be very cautious how you deal with him because he can be dangerous if he can't get the money for his next shot. He will never work as long as you are providing all his needs.all that occupies his mind now is how to get the next shot. He is hopeless. Do exactly as Honeypie says.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 July 2020):
OK, I see a lot of things here that I want to address:
1. you have LET it go that he is living with you and off you and not looking for a job.
2. you LET him move in without having a budget and told him HIS financial share?
3. I'll quote you on this one because my jaw is on my keyboard... " I then have to buy my boyfriends weekly food and give him money for fuel to get to appointments" NO NO NO you don't HAVE to give him a flipping CENT! PENNY!
4. "During our four years, he's said some really hurtful things" And you STILL haven't kicked him out! Why are you OK with being his verbal punching bag?
5. "During our four years, he's said some really hurtful things" NO NO NO He has to FRIGGGING pay for that! Are you kidding? How long until he punches YOU?!
6. YES, I get that you feel responsible for him and guilty that he has no where to go, but TRUST me a MOOCH like him will find another sucker ASAP.
HAVE your friends (especially the males and BF's come over) DUMP your BF in the SAFETY of having them around.
YOU know you have to do it. How about you THINK of yourself first for a second. HE only thinks of him, why should you?
Also, BEFORE you kick him out, CHECK with Citizen's Bureau to see if you need to file any eviction papers first. DO it by the book.
Also HAVE your locked changed the DAY he is out. And... change your number.
If he shows up, DO NOT open the door.
Come on, stop being a wimp! Start living the LIFE you want to have. One with out him in it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2020): This guy is not a wounded animal, he is not a poor defenceless child. I gasped in amazement when you said that you cannot leave him struggling without somewhere to go or food to eat. Stop being a mug.
Let us recap the rest and how this makes no sense.
This guy gets benefits. But he chooses to spend a lot of it on cannabis. If he prefers that to food more fool him.
This guy has been unemployed and not bothered to get a job for almost a year. If he would rather smoke cannabis and spend other peoples' money than get a job more fol him.
This guy is not your boyfriend. He chooses to sleep with other women or sleep in the spare room , there is no sex or even romance with him, he is an unemployed layabout, not your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2020): You are self aware, mature and capable in so many ways. Yet no matter how awful this man shows himself to be you continue to stay with him. I understand that loneliness stinks, you have many commitments and worries and time consuming chores taking up your time and you need friendship, laughter and to be able to relax, be listened to and loved too. But this man will never give you any of this. He is a lazy loser who us using you. He has no affection or respect for you. Get rid. The longer you stay with him the more money and time and hopes you are wasting.In some ways this guy has turned into a gigolo where he comes to some woman purely for financial and material gain in return for romance and sex. Only in his case he does not even give you any of that, it is totally one sided, he takes you give and he takes more and you give more.You give to your family because they are your family and have been there for you in the past. But this guy deserves nothing.You love your dog and your dog loves you. As a dog lover you must know that the love you get from your dog is real, it is not materialistic and about using you, you are better off coming back to an empty place and being with your dog than having this waste of space coming and going when it suits him and using you, verbally and emotionally abusing you and worrying you. But on top of that he is also taking your money!He has no intention of getting a job. He may have had at the start, but he sees that he has got you paying for everything so he would rather lounge around and do nothing all day while you have all of the responsibility and expenses. This is money you have earned, it should be up to you how you spend it, every pound you give to him is a pound he is robbing you of that you could spend in better ways elsewhere. Because you have allowed this to continue he now totally takes you for granted, with that comes him having no respect for you. Because he knows that if he was you he would have slung you out ages ago, in his eyes you are stupid and desperate.He wanted to be with another woman who got rid - a very wise woman. You should do the same. If you do not eventually you will find he dumps you when he finds a cushier number than you are giving to him. His ideal scenario would be a woman who has more money, younger, a bigger nicer home, no dog, no family, lots of great sex and no complaining. He thinks he is making do with you until this better woman comes along. He will not get one who is that capable, generous and stupid, but the thought that he is making do until then is enough to get rid.You need to get back your self respect. You are letting this man make a fool of you. You give him so much and in return all he gives you is nastiness and hurt.
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