A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a dilemma which I hope you can advise on. I am married but separated. After many years I made the leap out of an emotionally cold and controlling relationship. It was very hard but I moved in with a work-mate and was getting on with my life. I gave internet dating a try and had a few dates which was fun. I then met a guy who I really liked and we really hit it off. Everything was going well but I had so much stuff going on my life with a house move again and a new job. I guess i was stressed without realising it and took it out on him a few times if he was late, cancelled dates or didn't stick to what he said he would do. To be fair it only happened a few times but it did bug me. I guess i was used to being with someone who was not so impulsive. I knew he liked me though as always made time for me and introduced me to friends and family. I guess this freaked me out a bit as I didn't feel ready as technically still married. My ex had been in touch texting and emailing - just kind words and looking out for me (he knew nothing of the new man as I didn't want to hurt him before our divorce). I had a melt down after a family event when my ex once again texted me and said that I still missed my ex and couldn't be with the new man anymore. It was a case of too much alcohol. The next day we discussed it and i said there were a few things that weren't right, not really though as I was embarrased by the situation. He thought it best for us to break up and be friends, as thought there were unsaid things between me and the ex. I know that i do need time on my own but know that i won't get back with my husband as it was over a long time ago for me. i really miss the new man and felt that he was right for me. we're still on friendly terms but recently found that he was back on internet dating website (as I was also just looking) but it really hurt me. What to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): You are confused basically. This new man may not be for you. When you are thinking clearly and know what you want, you will be in a better position to decide. Give the ex the heave ho. And give yourself some time. OK the new man is dating. That is to be expected - don't be hurt. Tell him you are taking time out and if you could get together another time that would be good.
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