A
male
age
41-50,
*raud
writes:Hello,I have been married for 12 years, and have been in love with another woman for 7 of those years. I do not have any children. A year ago I "came clean" with both my wife and the woman I love, neither of whom had known previously how I felt.I feel miserable in my marriage. I think of the other woman all the time. She expressed a mild interest in me, but is obviously not interested in being a "home-wrecker". Neither of us is interested in having an affair. Well, I am interested, but could not live with myself.I love my wife, but I feel that I love her like a sibling. Seeing her hurt is agonizing for me, and has thus far kept me from simply leaving. I have tried several times, but I don't feel strong enough to do it. She loves me deeply and seemingly unconditionally, and I am worried that I may never find that again.Our marriage has *no* problems, aside from the obvious one: my emotional infidelity.I do not know what to do. I feel like my life is spiraling out of control. I *know* that I own this situation and must resolve it, either by cutting the woman I love out of my life, or by leaving my wife.I do not have friends that I can talk about this with, nor family.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2008): you know....it doesn't matter which way you look at it....if you decide to leave your wife - i tell ya it will hurt man...there is no break up in the world that doesn't hurt...by staying your are hurting yourself and your wife....so where are you gonna draw the line...live is a gamble hey...at least that is what i believe....it doesn't matter which path you take...you don't know where you'll end up but make the most of the path you decide to take and make it work for you....at the end of the day ...we need to take care of ourselves in order for others to love and respect us....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): Tough one. Not a commendable situation but not one you can control. I feel for you and i feel for your wife. If you trully are living a lie then you owe it to your wife not to prolong the facade. But will you regret it a year later (and not just because you are lonely but because you've realised that you actually do love her). Lust can make a man think and do stupid things. Think of your wife first, don't wait and see if your affair will pull through before making a decision on your marriage. Affairs built from lies don't usually work and will always have rocky foundations. Remember love is forever! But it has to be reciprocated. That's all i can say man. Think it through. Let me know how it goes. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Ms. X +, writes (21 September 2008):
 I feel like in your last paragraph you answered your own question.....you have to make a decision because right now all three of you are on the losing end. Yes, it will hurt your wife if you end it but not as much as if you stay in the relationship with half a heart for her... The only other right choice would be to cut off all contact with the other women and dedicate all your love and attention on your wife.... In the end the choice is yours but staying on the fence will just hurt you and both of them more than making a decision will...
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