A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my fiance of 10 months now is wonderful. My only concern is that he has a thing for having girl friends on his xbox and facebook. I know I should trust him and I do its just I dont know if this is normal. He doesn't flirt with them really but thats just what he tells me. He has his exes on his facebook but says he doesn't talk to them. And all the girls on his facebook he says they are friends but they never talk so I would think they arent his friends right? The issue is I know I get jealous but I want him to delete them. I dont see why its necessary to have girls as your friends when I should be the only girl friend he has. He wont delete them though he says he doesnt want to be mean or whatever. He tells me Im being way too jealous and I make it a big deal. I tell him that he should care more about how it makes me feel than him being mean by deleting them. Its an argument I cannot win but I dont know if Im wrong. Should he just accept that I don't like it and delete them or am I wrong?
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facebook, fiance, flirt, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 October 2012):
 While I disagree that you should be the ONLY female in his life, I understand your feelings... IF his friends on facebook and xbox are young single women in his former dating pool I can surely see why you are upset.
I have no problem with my husband having women friends... they are women he works with, friends of ours that are married.
Young women too young for him to date (although they don't know that... and they will flirt outrageously with him)
But if you are saying "i'm not happy with you being friends with sally, she's your age, before me you and her had a lovely flirtation and she does not respect our relationship even though you've told her about me" well that' to me is different...
BUT if he's very clear with all of them that you are his partner... that he's off the market... well then you have to have some trust dear.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 October 2012):
 Honey HALF the worlds populations are females.... So because you two are getting married YOU are now the only girl in the world he can look at, talk to, be friends with?
BE realistic. He will have FEMALE co-worker, FEMALE dentist maybe, the girls at the store might be female...
My advice don't marry a guy til you feel like you can trust him. That means you SHOULDN'T have to TELL him what to do and whom he can talk to.
I have many male AND female friends. My husband has MANY mainly male friend but also quite a few of his exes as "friends" in Facebook ( I have no exes on FB). And I TRUST him, he trusts me.
You are (in my book) totally over reacting and honestly, the controlling behavior is not a pretty sight. What's next on your list of what he can't do?
Now if the conversations were inappropriate I could understand you having a problem, but he ISN'T being inappropriate.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 October 2012):
 WHY should you be his only female friend ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): Well, you can't help how you feel. I must say, though, it sounds a little controlling to tell him you should be the ONLY female he talks to. You'll lose him faster that way than you ever will to one of those women on his facebook. My guess is he never even looks at their profiles.
I'm married, and I have other guys as facebook friends. We don't talk to each other, and I never look at their pictures or other updates. But I'm not going to go out of my way to delete them. It doesn't mean I think about them or have feelings for them, or them for me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2012): " I dont see why its necessary to have girls as your friends when I should be the only girl friend he has."
Are you trolling OP are you actually serious?
What about his mother and sisters is he not allowed to have them in his life?
Yes OP, you are very wrong, the gender of his friends is nothing to do with anything. You can't demand you be the only female of our species he has any connection to, females are over half the population of the world, he simply cannot avoid them.
Forgive me for saying this OP but if you can't get over your jealousy the the only female he needs to get rid of is you. He doesn't flirt with them, he doesn't even talk to them.
It's very normal for a guy or girl to have lots of friends of the opposite sex.
You're being irrational in the extreme OP, where the hell does all this jealousy come from? They don't have anything near what you have, you're his girlfriend the one he chose above all others romantically, he literally can't do anything more.
Besides if he does this then it will escalate, you'll be unhappy with the way he said thanks to a female bartender, or smiles at the old lady he holds the door open for.
With all due respect get a grip, figure out why it is you feel such irrational jealousy and work on getting rid of it or he'll get rid of you.
I wouldn't even be having this discussion with you, you'd be gone without a second thought.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 I don't think anybody is wrong here. But the thing is even though you are both in a relationship it does not mean that he cannot have other friends who are girls. If you are in a secure and trusting relationship then these things should not matter. I can see that it upsets you but this is where trust plays in to the relationship. If you trust him then him having female friends should not bother you. I can see his point as to why he does not want to delete them, as you say yourself they do not flirt so I think you just need to trust him especially if you are engaged to be married. Good luck.
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