A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm angry and sad. 5 days before I'm supposed to move into an apartment with my boyfriend he gets cold feet and tells me he doesn't think it's a good idea and says he wants to end the relationship. He confesses to me that he couldn't be himself around me and that there's a good chance I was just a rebound from another girl he wanted to date that turned him down.8 months I invested time in our relationship... and I was the happiest I've ever been. He wasn't the best match for me though, I know this, there were red flags, I never felt like he respected me and often I felt like he thought I was just a big idiot because he was so much smarter than me.So why am I so sad and missing someone who wasn't even good for me? I deserve better and know this, yet if he were to ask to get back together, I know a part of me would want to say yes even though I know I'd have to say no. I just feel like I cared about the relationship so much and then found out it was all one-sided. I shouldn't even care about him, but I do and I don't understand why. Maybe it's because it was my first ever relationship...
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 December 2018):
 Well, you are upset/sad because you thought you had something real with this guy, and apparently, HE didn't.
However, maybe YOU need to be a little more PICKY in your choice of men. You KNEW there were red flags yet you somehow thought that if you lived together all would be great? That is naive! And not smart.
Learn from this, OP that is really all you can do.
Next time don't date a guy who looks down on you or doesn't respect (or both) that is not healthy. So what if he was a bit smarter than you? There are plenty of people out there smarter than you AND him. And there are even MORE people out there that would be a better match for you!
Don't be so "desperate" to have a relationship where you LIVE with your BF. TAKE it slow. 8 months might just be a tad soon to move in together ESPECIALLY when you see red flag.
BE GLAD that you didn't end up living together. It wouldn't have been a great experience.
You dodged a douche bullet of a guy!
Chin up. There are more, and better guys out there.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (30 December 2018):
 The fact it was your first relationship is definitely significant. If you had been through a break-up before, you would have something to compare your loss to and you would know you will get through this.
When we split up with someone, it is not only THEM we miss but the dreams and plans we had together, no matter now unrealistic or, as in your case, one sided.
You KNOW you deserve better. When you meet the right person for you, you will totally understand why THIS relationship wasn't going to work.
Be kind to yourself. Spend time with supportive friends, doing stuff you enjoy to take your mind of what happened. Block this guy so you can make a clean break. Things WILL get easier.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (30 December 2018):
 Unfortunately, our feelings don’t automatically fade because of incompatibility. It’s okay to miss him and be upset about it. I think you dodged a bullet because 8 months is usually a bit too soon to move in anyway, as you’re still pretty new to being together. Best of luck in the future. Be patient with your feelings :)
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