A
female
age
41-50,
*ngela_marie123
writes:My husband and I were together for 12 years, an have been apart for almost two. I miss him terribly, and sometimes wonder why. Sometimes I think he still has feelings for me, by things he does. In the last year of our relationship I was on a waiting list for a public aid lawyer to get divorced, as I was a stay at home mom. In that 12-15 month waiting period I cheated. At that point I felt there was no turning back.Now all I can do is look back. I want him to trust me, or even talk to me more and stop ignoring me at times. How do I get his attention? I want our family back together. I know I completely broke his heart, how do I put it back together again? I seemed to have forgotten the bad things he did over the years, and so has he. I sometimes wonder if he has forgotten the good times too. He blames me for all of it, when in reality it takes two people for a relationship to fail.We have three children together and live 5 minutes apart. My depression is getting worse, and I dream about him on a regular basis. My middle child just told me she had a dream we got back together. Can this dream become a reality? Why is it that we dont realize how much we love someone until they are gone?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): firstly how did you break his heart - i only ask to get a glimpse of what the hurt was.
my close friend told me once, sometimes in life we sadly don't get second chances. we miss the moment/ opportunity to make this difference. i don't know whether this is true in your situation.
hurt, lies, betrayal, humiliation- all this destroy our lives and we take years, sometimes a lifetime to forgive and forget. and sometimes we cannot.
A
male
reader, Prophet7 +, writes (26 May 2009):
Sorry wasn't finished. My ex moved on and has been seeing someone for at least 6 months. When there is true love between a couple there is nothing that can keep them apart. People will even recognize things they need to change to be better for themselves and their partner. They would long for each other and it wouldn't be one sided. Like you I was depressed for months but I got over it. I still feel sad and long for her at times because I truly love her and true love never dies. Maybe in time he will realize what you two had. You can't force it he has to see it and want you back himself. People divorce and marry each other again all the time. You can let him know you still love him but don't over do it. I know it's hard but you must get over this depression stage. Spend time with other people that you love, it helps. You have to be the fun and happy person he fell in love with so he can remember the "good times" and want to make new memories with you. You have to remember that life goes on. Get yourself together you never know what can happen. You could end up back together in.a few years or sooner if it's meant to be. If it's not meant to be you will be alright because time and understanding heals all wounds. You can't put his broken heart back together. He has to forgive you for his heart to heal. All you can do is give a sincere apology and let him know how you feel about everything. Nothing more nothing less. Hope my advice helps you. God Bless... Prophet7
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): There could be several things going on here. You really may not love him in the true sense of the word, you just haven't gotten on with your life and found a new love of your own. It is important to be on good terms with him for the sake of your kids so I hope you are.
It would be pretty unlikely if the two of you were married and went through a divorce that you could put this relationship back together again....the same problems, the same two people would still be there. It would take an extended period of marriage counseling I think to even pull it off, and why would he want to go through that at this time, why would you?
You also say you are depressed. You may be confused over what this means and it is hard, it isn't something that you can will yourself out of. However, I strongly hope that you are getting medical treatment for it or if you have not make an appointment with your GP as soon as possible and let them know of all of your troubles and symptoms, you do not have to feel depressed.
Your kids need their Mom to be happy an engaged in their lives, so try focusing more on You and what you need to get in your life to make you happy, take care of yourself first and then you will have the energy left to take care of the kids.
You can always tell your ex you are sorry for hurting him if you haven't already, that would also alleviate any guilt you may be having which can cause you a lot of pain.
It takes roughly 2-4 months for every year of a relationship to get over it on average, so you are kind of on schedule I would think. Hang in there and do some work on yourself and things should brighten for you. I do understand how lousy it feels to miss an ex, try to remember that he wasn't right for you when you are feeling this way, you have a void in your life where he used to be and seeing him because of the kids makes it harder, so try to limit contact when you exchange them or what ever.....
I would try to stop looking back at the past, you made the decision to split, don't second guess it, just try to move on as lousy as that sounds, until you do you heart won't be open for somebody better for you and your life.
That is what I tell myself and I am sticking to it.
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