A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have told to the man i was dating last year that it's better to stay friends, since we meet each other for very little time and he usually doesn't have time for me. Sometimes suddelny he wants to be together and i try to avoid him although i like him and i want to be with him. But as he doesn't have time i can't rely emotionally on him. Except that now sometimes he provokes me he tells me that he goes out with other women and there are a lot of others around and although i have realized that i don't have a future with him his provocations make me unhappy and sad. In these discussions he always asks me to reassure him that i still want him and usually i reassure him alhough he made me sad with his provocations. Why is he doing that? What he expects me to do and how can i react when he provokes me? I have made clear to him in the past that i wanted to be with him but since he can't be in a serious relationship and doesn't want to spend enough time with me except some days i would look forward to find someone that will cover me emotionally. I repeat this to him every time i meet him Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): You don't necessarily want to be with him. You have emotional needs and want "someone" you can rely on emotionally. It seems this man is not the one who can fill this void for you unfortunately, since he is self proclaimed as unavailable. He also may have some emotional needs that he seeks to allay by having you confirm that he is wanted, that he is likable. Either this or he enjoys flirting with you without this leading to much more. It seems two difficult people have met and this is why you struggle with each other and are left feeling so confused. Also, if you wish to make room for someone in your life, you must firstly learn to be content of your very own self, it is possible that you are driving people away I'm afraid by reinforcing your eagerness to meet someone, I'm sure you will gain more if you are more relaxed and graceful about your situation.If you are greeting people with a banner that reads "I'm sad, I need someone" this must change as it is not an attractive trait in a person, confidence in turn IS. I'm sure you deserve to find your match but this man doesn't seem to be the one for you, try and meet him next time without repeating what he already knows and have more trust in that things can better for you while you adopt a more positive, welcoming attitude. If you can focus more on him and others for that matter instead of wielding that banner, you might learn more about their motives and such and maybe build a special bond before wading into a relationship. It may be that you two are very different hence a relationship may not be fit for any of you, but if he has few other options he will continue to flirt without intending to take it much further. If he is also a negative person he may be looking for just the opposite type of person in order to cheer him up. You should too, let go of your problems and enjoy each other's company - even if as a a means of practise for a time when you will have met a more suitable person. When was the last time you actually let your worries take a rest and enjoyed a conversation with a friend? It is time to do just this and do it more often. The change in the message you will transmit can also be radical. Avoid calling attention to your problems so much. You needn't display a forced smile but you can try and focus more on the brighter side. All the best.
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