A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Where should I start, ok ill start here, 2 years ago I ended a 3 year relaxationship with a girl that i never had a connection with other than sex lol and we had nothing in common, I was miserable and she didn't love me, but we had awesome sex and we stayed together because the sex was great. Lol well finally she broke up with me because she wanted someone who she was compatable with and I get that. We broke up and moved on...reason I mention this small portion of my life is because my wife is the opposite, we are close we love each other but we don't hardly have sex and its not something I'm use to and it's hard to deal with. But even before my i met my wife and before i met my ex I had a great friend, that friend works with my mom at a hospitol, and it was my mom that introduced us, my mom always wanted us together because shes the sweetest most gorgeous girl that you would ever lay your eyes on. My friend swings both ways but mainly you can call her a lesbian, and i never supported that type of lifestyle i was raised strict and religious but i never judged her either and til this day i would do anything for her. I am now not the realigious guy I use to be and would defend her sexual preference to anyone. She has a girlfriend and I'm cool with that....and me and her ex were friends I've lived everyone she's been with and I have no issues with how she lives. When me and that friend met we went on a few dates, she was at a point in her life where she was tryig out guys i guess lol i didnt know she was gay at the time....well we kissed and that's as far as we ever got, oh and let me say we kissed twice since I've known her and I melted both times, it was amazing and ill never forget it. We have sexted back and forth and we both seen each others naked pictures and we both found each other attractive but we decided mainly because she had allot going on in her life at the time and she was confused with herself that we would be friends and she went back to girls.....we stayed very good friends for years and she's been with 3 different girls since then. The one she's with now I don't like but I'm still friends with her ex. At one point this girl wanted to be a mom (well she still wants to be) and she asked me to give her a child. I said no, not because I didn't want to give that gift to her, but because I love children and have always wanted a child and it would be hard for me to give her that precious gift and it be raised by someone else (her gf and herself) and I not get to be the father in it's life. Well now presently I am with a person that is selfless and sweet and has always been great to me...we've known each other for 2 years and got married this last April . We now have a beautiful baby boy and we live a great life, we go to church have friends, and between the two of us we have a awesome family that supports us on both sides. She works in the medical field just like my friend. Me and my wife and little boy live in a city that's a hour away from where my lesbian friend lives and where I was born and raised. We moved here because its half way between my family and hers, her people are an hour the opposite direction. Things are great with us and we both do our part in the realaionship when it comes to working cooking and cleaning and being there for each other except for one major thing...My wife is not sexually compatible with me, we may have sex once a month if that. She just doesn't enjoy it like I do. I masterbate alot more than I need to. I want my wife and when I start seducing her I get rejected .....i like to think I'm good at what I do....never had a girl tell me no when I started doing my thing...that is until I met my wife. So I still talk to my friend a hour away, I text her often and my wife is ok with it infact they both became friends, my friend was my wife's maid of honor at our wedding.....she came over last week and slept on my couch and baby sat our infant so we can get a night of sleep lol.....so yeah my wife has no issue with us talking but my wife doesn't know what we're talking about most of the time.....I tell this girl everything, she knows about me and my wife's sex life. We're best friends and I go to her to vent. Issue is, I want her I've always wanted her and lately she's been sending me pics and its been kinda dirty ....I Acctually love my best friend and have for a long time. We have more in common than anyone I've ever met....my wife is a good person but me and my wife are diffrent people that want diffrent things and sometimes we fight ...me and my best friend see eye to eye on everything ..... I've never cheated on anyone I've been faithful 100% in every realaionship I've been in and I beleve in marriage I use to be a youth minister and I still hold true to the scriptures teaching on marriage and adultery. I know what's right and wrong and I know talking to my friend the way I talk to her is wrong and I know wanting her is wrong. But the feeling is strong and part of her wants me too although yes she likes girls and is with one, but there is something there between us i feel it and she does not need to come stay the night with us again because I may be somewhere I shouldn't in the middle of the night .....I love my wife and child and don't want to hurt my family, I love my friend and don't want to ruin our friendship.... Even if nothing was to come out of me having a crush on my friend, I don't want to lose her, even if its just friendship I want to keep it, I want her in my life. What do I do? I know I can't have my cake and eat it to. I don't want it I see the situation as either tell my wife my feelings I have for this other person or tell my friend goodbye because keeping the temptation around prolly won't help anything and this will eventually turn into a disaster. Any advice?
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best friend, broke up, crush, has a girlfriend, her ex, lesbian, my ex, nude pictures, sex life, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2012): Dont tell the wife about the crush. She will never trust you again even though nothing happened. As much as you claim its just physical interest in the friend, I believe you have an emmotional attachment. Sometimes we just dont realise what we feel until we have lost what we had. You probably in love with both woman and because of you child and family that bond is stronger with your wife.
I agree physical aspect of a relationship is important, try and make it work with the wife, tell her your needs also tell her its creating problem in the marriage and if she wants this marriage she will make an effort. If after trying sincerly , it still fails, you probably need to consider whether you can live with your wife as a mate for the next 40/50 years of your life.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (4 December 2012):
 Yes I got advice.
You are a religious man, and you are married. You should not be looking at naked pictures of your friend. Go talk to your wife about this lack of sex in your marriage. Suggest marriage counselling if you and her can't fix things.
TRY HARDER!!!
If you and your friend can't stop tempting and playing with each other, then she has to go. She's not the kind of friend I would like, and you wouldn't like a male version of her around your wife. This behaviour is unsuitable for a man who supposedly loves his wife, and a woman who is supposed to be a "friend".
You need to spend more time on discovering how to actually do the work to turn your woman on (not all things come easily) and you need to demand that your wife help you because your becoming unhappy and frustrated with the situation. Not all women are the same. Talk to her, try to find out what's holding her back, try to find out her secret fantasies.
Check around the pages on Dear Cupid. The aunts have tons of tricks and suggestions about romancing and sexing.
We can't tell anything from "she doesn't enjoy it like I do"... right now it could be you just don't know what your doing. Or as a new wife and mother, she could be sore or down right tired. You and her need to have a long honest talk about your sex life and then work out some ideas for romancing.
Here, start with this... If it's only once a month, get her to pick something new everytime to try... http://www.sexinfo101.com/sexualpositions.shtml
Massage is always good.. If new mother/wife is not tired. Maybe she might need a toy, heck, maybe she wants to be in control. Take it in turns.. how about each fortnight you each take a chance to decide on something wicked.
You'll feel better if you concentrate on that. Screwing around behind her back, playing games with some mixed up woman, none of this type of behaviour is honourable.
"Till death do you part".. that's the promise..
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (4 December 2012):
 With your religious background and knowledge of scripture, you know all to well what happens when one flirts with temptation.Today she's sleeping on your couch, tomorrow she's coming over when your wife isn't home. Even though you know it's wrong, each time you take a step closer to opening that one door that is forbidden to you, you will start to rationalize what you're doing - and before you know it,. the lines between right and wrong are completely blurred.My heart goes out to you, because I see how much you are struggling with this. You don't want to lose your friendship with her - but at the same time, you don't want to destroy your marriage, either.The problem is, she is your weakness, your temptation - and the longer she remains in your life, the more you're going to lust after her.In 1 Corinthians Paul talks about the sexual relationship between husband and wife, and addresses the issue of them "coming together" so as to minimize the chances of them falling to temptation. I know that it's really hard not to entertain lustful thoughts when you're being deprived of what is supposed to be a natural part of a loving relationship.You really need to distance yourself from your friend, because you need to get her out of your head. Maybe you and your wife could read some books together, do some research and find some way to help her become more sexual.If your wife is close to your age, then within the next ten years she'll be hitting her sexual prime.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have spoke to her about it ...and she has tried and we acctually had sex recently, I do love her and your right, the way I feel for my friend has always been physical.....I hate being a typical guy, I shouldn't even question what I should do or not do, I should just love my wife and wait for her to be ready for sex when she's ready. But that is so harder said than done. I am ok with cuddling and watching a movie with her on days when were off work and when I make a advance and she turns me down I suck it up and live with it, but it wears on me. It really does
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 December 2012):
 I understand that sex is a big part of any relationship. I think you need to concentrate more on your wife here though than your friend. Talk to your wife about how you feel about your sex life. Tell her you want to spice things up more and see if you can both put the spark back in to the bedroom. This is where you should be concentrating on, you love your wife therefore try and make it work. Introduce new and exciting things to the bedroom, until you both find something you enjoy. Talk to her about this and see if she agrees.
As for your best friend, I understand that you love her but this is purely physical with her in my opinion and I think that if you had a good sex life with your wife then this would not even be a temptation for you. You need to knock that temptation down now though before it gets to late. You say the way you are both talking is wrong so do something about it, if it was your wife and another man talking the way you do am sure you would not be impressed. Therefore put a stop to it now. Tell her you would still like her friendship but nothing more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): If you know you can't "have your cake and eat it too" (HATE that expression btw) what is there to think about? If you do truly love your wife then you choose your wife. If you loved your wife as much as you say you do you wouldn't be asking us whether you should pick her or some lesbian friend you have been fantasising about. It's time to grow a pair and tell your wife how you're feeling.
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