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anonymous
writes: What's Up Doc? Look I am a college student who came from the South Pacific to study in the US four years ago. When I finally had the chance to go back to visit my hometown down in the Pacific, I met this old friend of mine. We used to be classmates in high school and back then, man I was really dying to have her as my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she fell for somebody else and I just looked at her as way out of my league and that's why I never told her I liked her. Now four years had passed and she is still dating this guy but when she was on my hometown, his boyfriend was away in South America and about to come to my hometown to meet her. I was aware of this and that is why I had erased her long ago from my list of "The Most Wanted Girls". The thing is that when I went back to my hometown I had a "make-over" while I was here in the US. I really worked hard to look better (workout and a balanced diet) and be a better person also (not as shy and dumb as before, now I would say I am more open and a more talkative person but still quiet). On New Years Eve, we accidentally met on the club and since it was the first time being on my hometown after four years, I just wanted to have fun and dance with all the hot chicks. The problem was that she kind of stick with me the whole night...she would be like "Let's go dance this song" and that kind of things. She was cool as always but I just didn't know how to make her go so I can have fun with the single ladies. I mean I did like her but back when we were on high school. Now I know that she is with this boyfriend and I just have to accept that and move on. That's why I wanted her to go somewhere else that night so that I can have fun too with the other available ladies. Later on, the club was about to close and she was still there hanging out with me and since she was by herself, I told her I will go drop you off at home, you know, just being polite. When we got to the front of her house, something incredible happened; she confessed that she was blown away when she saw me. I just couldn't believe it. She said she always had eyes for her boyfriend only but when she saw me, she felt something weird. "Something. I don't know." So I figured she liked me. Then I though about it for a second, I went to her kiss her on her fore head (since she was looking down and terribly nervous) and said "Thanks for being honest but there is nothing that can happen between us" and then I left. I said so because our lives are different, she lives in South America and I live in the US now and plus she is already taken. I mean I really liked back in high school but she already have a boyfriend. After that I start to think about it and I said, no. I got to do something, so I managed to take her for a tour and we ended up kissing...no sex. I did not wanted to push it and try to have sex with her, because she really felt bad about what she was doing with me and she was really worried about not being faithful to this boyfriend. She told me that he have done so too like 10 times when they were together but for her that was the first time. Since that day she was very warm and would throw all these compliments at me. After that I had to take my plane back to the US and when I got here I could not stop thinking about her. I guess I started to fall for her and I would write her and call her and even one day I wrote her telling her how much I think on her and she wrote back saying I should not think in someone I cannot see. The last time I called her she said she had problems because his boyfriend knew I called and her. Her mom asked her why I would call her from so far. It really torn me down because we developed this strong relationship as friend, so strong that she even asked me for advice when she believed she was pregnant; I felt bad because she said that I shouldn't call her so often and now I just quite writing or calling her. I just don't know what to do. I know I cannot be with her because we have very different lives but I just at least want to maintain our friendship, you know? I am sure that in the future we will meet again and until then I want to be her friend. Please help with any advice! Thanks,
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reader, rphillips +, writes (13 May 2005):
I would do what she asks you to do. Be patient. She has her own personal problems to work through. If she cares for you and feels the same way for you, then she will not forget you. Maybe once she works through her own problems she will contact you. Wait for that. If she doesn't contact you, then maybe she worked things out with her boyfriend. It hurts to want to be friends with someone you were romantically involved with, if they don't want to be friends also. It it like two relationships ending, the romantic one and the friendship one. But sometimes, these must end. Give her time and space and see what happens. In the meantime, go out and meet some new ladies.
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