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male
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anonymous
writes: Need some quick advice and serious blunt answers, and opinions, I've written before about this, and I read what someone just wrote and it made me realise something, I'm being stupid.my ex and I recently split and I'm finding it very hard to move on, and to cope, and I haven't spoken to him since he broke up with me,as he broke up with me over email.Lately I've been texting and emailing him to tell him and let him know just how hurt I am , and how betrayed I feel by him,expressing my anger and basically really expressing how much hurt he has caused me.I just realised that this has probably made me look immature, and like some people said it's feeding his ego knowing that I'm still heart broken and still have feelings for him which i still do, but i know that if I carry on texting him about the fact that he has hurt me, I'll be showing how bitter I feel and once again come across as being immature, so i've decided to stop sending anything, but its so hard i keep wishing that he'll come back, am i doing the right thing in showing that I'm strong, what if he sees that im ok, and moves on to someone else quicker, when I still have hope that he'll return?Am I doing the right thing?
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female
reader, Bobbyjo  +, writes (7 June 2006):
 Yes you are doing the right thing by ignoring him and letting him be. Please dont continue to text and email him - have some pride and self-respect for yourself. Trust me, hassling your ex will not get you anywhere and will just lead to more heartache for you. It is also very frustrating for the ex and they will just ignore you more and more. I once hassled an ex who left me for another girl. I thought it would make him feel guilty and feel sorry for me but instead it just pushed him further away and into the arms of the other girl. We could have remained friends after the split, which would have been good, but because of my moaning and hassling he does not want anything to do with me. Now I look back and cringe at what I was like and I wish I had just let him get on with it even though I was in so much pain at the time.It also makes them feel better about themselves when they know a girl is upset over them, weird I know, but its true. Instead, express your feelings and bitterness to your friends and family as they are the ones that are there for you.Eventually you will stop feeling so hurt and angry and can move on with your life.xx
A
female
reader, camille +, writes (7 June 2006):
 It's got nothing to do with maturity, but you must stop texting him. I've been on both sides of this fence and neither is a great place to be. In the future you will see that but right now your emotion is clouding your rationale. So, stop texting because a) if you were feeding his ego, he'll be very aware that you are not contacting him and may/may not wonder why you haven't, but you'll have got his attention. b) Have some self respect. You may only be texting yourself to get a reaction, a response of any kind. He may move to someone else even quicker if you don't stop harassing him. You can't change the way someone else feels. Show him you're strong and resist giving in. Trust me, I did the same as you years ago and it got me nowhere. I just got angrier, sadder, more desperate and it completely annoyed the hell out of him. I'd been told we'd get back together by him so had reason to be cross, but honestly, I may have pushed that away by the texts and plaguing calls. I only wish I could have seen that I was worth more than that and that there was life after him, a better one. I couldn't see it then because I was so full of 'woe is me', self-pity. I have a theory that no matter what our strength of feelings are, we have egos and don't like being 'dumped' , there's a pay off for being heartbroken but...why on earth do we want people that don't want us anyway? What a waste of time and precious life. Be rational. If he doesn't want you, find someone who does! (Not immediately of course). If it helps you to think he may come back to you, try and get on with your life by making no contact at all, (delete his numbers from your phone etc) and put him to the back of your mind. Seriously, one day you'll realise you've moved on.
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (7 June 2006):
 If your b/f wants you back I think he'll come back sooner if you leave him alone. You're right sending text messages and e-mails telling him how hurt you are will feed his ego and make you look immature and needy, I'm sure that's not how you want people to see you.
Don't have anymore contact with him unless you are replying to him, if he moves on so be it, nothing you do will stop it if that's what he wants for his life.
Good luck!
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