| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, A few weeks ago,I started to like this boy. His name is Joe* and he just turned fifteen last month and will be a sophomore in high school, whereas I will be turning fourteen in November and will be an eighth-grader. There's only one problem. About four months ago,Joe's girlfriend died in a car accident. I don't want to hurt him by telling him how I feel about him, but I really want him to know that I love him and that I'm here for him if he ever needs to talk to someone. I know how he feels because my sister died in a car accident. I wrote a song called 'Lean On Me',which is dedicated to him,and I was thinking about letting his younger sister show it to him. Do you think I should, or should I hold off for a little while? HELP!!!Confused Angel
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (11 August 2005):
 Hi Sarah,
Another week, another crush, eh? ;-)
Joe has been through the wringer. It's terribly sad that you know how what he's going through, but it will give you an insight into the way he needs lots of space right now. What he definitely DOES NOT need is someone hanging around wanting to be his next girlfriend. Four months is really no time at all for him to grieve and to get over his shock and sadness. Please don't make things difficult for him (not to mention ruining your chance for something in future) by telling him you've got a crush on him. That's just too much, too soon.
If you really care for Joe, be a friend and nothing more right now. Don't mention your crush, and don't mention the song. He doesn't want to be reminded over and over of what he's lost, because men and boys can have different ways to deal with grief than women do.
Over time - maybe weeks or months, if he's resiliant - he'll gradually get over his immediate reaction to the accident. If you're his friend during his period of sadness, you'll be amongst the first to know when he's growing past his grief. When he's feeling better and starting to talk about dating generally, that might be a better time to tell him about your feelings.
A
female
reader, short +, writes (10 August 2005):
I think that you should give him a bit of space to sort out the things that he has playing on his mind.Its not going to be easy on both of you if you tell him how you feel.Just be patient and tell him when you think the time is right but the right time is not now.
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