A
male
age
41-50,
*ragicallylostlove
writes:Dear Cupid.I my ex of 2 and a bit years broke up with me 3 months ago, we had known each other from our last years teaching teaching college. I have done so much wrong in our relationship and I do not know how to make it up to her. I love her and I want to spend my life with her.Throughout our relationship she always told me she loved me and wanted to live her life with me. but I was afraid to tell her I felt the same. It is my first relationship, I was 24 and she was 33, so there were a lot of doubts for me when my parents did not condone this and the fact she had a 2.5yo child.i let what they said get to me, I let what they though get to me. and so when she loved me I wasnt listening to my heart and followed my head.Now I am in perpetual agony. I had plans for her and our life, I needed to somehow change what her perceptions were and start to tell her how much I really loved her. But I took for granted how long I had left with her. The long holiday break was coming and I was waiting to make a good start there.Last time we slept together it had been after a 3month break in our relationship. we had spend time together kissing a lot but not sleeping together for weeks. I didn’t tell her the magic I could feel from her. then after we were intimate she asked if I was sure yet, I said I wasn’t sure even tough in my heart I was. She had said to me before she would always wait for me. even if I found someone else, that it was my first relationship so it was ok for my doubts, she knew I would come back to her and she would wait.so I took for granted she wouldnt really go without a face to face. She said she needed time, so I tried hard not to contact her, knowing giving her some space. she had been getting tattoos for awhile, not many, but little ones that she found soothing to get.But I recently messaged her and talked to her, finding out she is with another, her tattoo artist. One that has told her how beautiful from the start.I couldn’t help but desperately trying to tell her how much I love her. I told her I was now listening to my heart, that I had so much regret and so sorry, cause I know now how much I put her through. I told her I love her very much and she promised, she said she had not said that in awhile. I told her, that I would now focus on her happiness, that I would support her new relationship and her quest for happiness.I told told her if I was blessed to have just once more chance I would never let her go. that I would show her my world pivots on her, that she is the reason I want to wake up for the rest of my life.I told her id hope to be blessed that one day she would find her way back to me, that I would wait like she once said to me. She said don’t wait, she sounded cold like the times she was in the past when she was really hurt, and would lash out. I told her just to give me some hope to survive, she said if I wanted to do that, do that but not tell her.i told her over the phone and now she has been having a really hard time. She said that she did not want to see anyone, that even if her new relationship wasnt going to work, which it seemed it may not. she has had enough, and would not take me back, would not go through it again. once I she'd gone past a point she would not take anyone back. That there are many who have been in my shoes in the past. I said this was my 1st, I made many mistakes, but she said it doesn’t matter if you've had 1 or 100 people, when you love them.she said I have to stop, but I feel like I cant until I have closure. we never had a proper goodbye face to face. But I feel I can not ask to see her for the hope of any closure because I dont want her to feel I am sabotaging the relationship she is inI am at a loss because I know she stuck by me so long when I didn’t know, there must be some love there. Last she spoke she was angry and said I killed all the love.Is there still love for me in her heart? She dreamed of our lives together not that long ago and she said she would wait. She said of all the people she has ever been with her heart was mine and she would carry my heart in her even if we ended. Some of that must be inside her, or have I lost all hope?I cant even have any hope of moving on, til we have proper closure. But then can’t I ask even ask cause she again asked to not talk until she is ready. Do I wait her relationship out and live in this agony until I have a chance to have a proper goodbye? What do I do?Its so hard to get through the days, I am exhausted from lack of sleep and emotionally shattered cause I love her so much.. I appreciate any advice. Thank you.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (8 February 2010):
 You took her love for granted, you asked her to wait to long with no hope in sight. You pleased yourself and expected her life to freeze and stop moving. One day she woke up and realised life was passing her by. Other people around her found love and became happy, but she had to wait until you decided to claim her.. One day she got smart..enough was enough, she forgot about you and allowed herself to fall in love. She didn't have to be lonely no more, she didn't have to cry herself to sleep or wait for you to remember her and call. She knew that life was short, to short to wait on a man's love that might never be.
She's cut you right out of her heart. You hurt and continue to hurt. A man in love puts his woman first. A man in love would never leave her crying and lonely whilst he went and sorted out his business. You are dead to her. There can be no relationship between you two. No matter what you do or what you say, you cannot heal the pain you have given to her. YOU ARE DEAD TO HER. If you love her, for once, you will think of her instead of yourself. Leave this woman alone to find the man who will stand beside her, and love her forever rather than a man like you who comes and goes. But it doesn't matter, you broke her heart so many times, that her love for you is dead. Leave her alone, you are embarrassing yourself, there is nothing left but cold dead ashes in the fire.
You were selfish, you pleased yourself, you took her for granted, and now like a bird she's flown away to find love and freedom from your silly games. Love can't wait, love is a flower, if it's not watered then it will die.
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