A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,Lets get right into it. So I've been playing around with a girl I'm dating for a few months. It comes down to us having sex and, a long story short, I couldn't maintain an erection (yes its all right to gasp, even smile a little. I did after I finished crying.)Okay, now lets elaborate. Unknown to her it was my first time with full penetration. To add, she also made a few comments about dreadful sex and how badly she didn't want it. Now unto the juicy stuff. Before the condom was on, I felt like I could have been harder. As a note I am uncircumcised and when I masturbate I almost always ejaculate when the skin is rolling back and forth over the head of the penis. When the condom did go on and there was penetration I remembered it feeling like someone was sitting on my lap and I didn't feel all that much sensation. (I thought it was due to a small penis but after measuring it (I measured 1 cm from the pelvic bone), it came out to 5 3/4 inches. Also the girth is 5 inches. After feeling like I was going to loose erectness we changed positions to the missionary. I remembered thinking that I wasn't hard enough so I began to grind (moving my hips on hers till I felt a strong pressure). She seemed to be liking it but at a certain point I loss erection. Now my lady friend is usually very vocal. But at the moment just before I totally lost my errection I remembered hearing nothing from her. Only to then look up for a quick second to see the expression on her face. It was an expression one would have after urinating without urinating for two days. I wasn't sure it was a good thing and immediately I thought "Damn I'm messing it up! You suck dude". The sentence that goes here would say I loss my erection or what was left of it. But that doesn't do actuality justice. Let me just say that I didn't know a penis could get so small so quickly. Surely my penis must be broken.So now I'm thinking a. I need Viagra. b. I need to lay off the masturbation for like...forever.Nevertheless please forgive the detail of the above story. I thought I would make best use of the anonymity function of dear cupid with a side order of comedy. For the sake of the following question I will elaborate that I am 24. Therefore I ask, considering the story, what do you think is the best analysis and solution for my situation? (I want to give great sex) Keep in mind that I am very worried that I may be broken sexually (or just profoundly crap at sex). Is this a normal thing to happen for the first time penetrating? My lady friend reassured me that it was alright, making the comment that I do like it rough (I like it rough she likes it sometimes) and I can stick to oral, for which has her very vocal, until I am relaxed enough around her to have sex. Gosh sex is so hard...Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your posts. Life is tough, love is tough and sex is just as tough. There wouldn't be survival of the fittest if it were all so easy.
I apologized to her for my lack of performance. I also know why I had such anxiety about it. Her philosophy is that the best sex is sex outside a relationship. Something which my value system doesn't agree with. So consciously I was trying to show her that needn't be true by giving her great sex (I was practicing my thrusts okay!). But unconsciously my body was having none of it.
It kinda sucks but now I'm realizing that deep down it compromises my trust in her. Something which doesn't go well with a relationship or sex for that matter. Sigh...o well (Now where did I put that number for mail order brides ...).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009): Aw, "DoubleM", heartfelt sympathy for your debacle back then and all credit to you for relating a story against yourself in the interest of helping others.Still, you have certainly made up for it since!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (27 December 2009):
 Hey dude, not a big deal. That kind of thing happens to most of us at one time or another, especially in the early attempts. Yes, it's called performance anxiety. Allow me to relate a story:
Back when I was still very young, about 17 as I recall, I was visiting some friends at a beauty school in Hollywood. This was a place where students of both genders learned to style women's hair and things like that. Many of the males who attended beauty schools, perhaps then and now, were gay, but that's irrelevant to this story. My friends and several other male students were not at all gay. I think they attended that school mainly to be around beautiful women, which was also my interest by hanging around sometimes.
Anyway, a strikingly sexy and beautiful young woman shows up one day and struts around, driving all the straight guys crazy. It was a long time ago, but as I remember, she somehow made it obvious to everyone that she wanted to get laid that evening. The general idea was that she wanted the best stud around to screw her good that night, and it would be quite a privilege! All the guys were swooning over her, and strutting around like roosters.
Well, for some reason, she chose me. While I was no virgin, I was younger than all the other guys there and not nearly as experienced. Since I still lived at home, I had to borrow a friend's apartment. Once alone with her that evening, we started "making out" and gradually the clothes came off.
She was quite a bit older than myself, probably 25 to 30, but such a beauty. For quite awhile, all went very well and I was hard as a rock. Then she asked me to let her suck it awhile, which also went very well. In fact, it almost made me explode, then it was back into her vagina for the big finale.
Suddenly, I went limp as a noodle . . . and she went ballistic! "What's wrong with you?!?!" she exclaimed. It had never happened to me before, but there was nothing I could do to maintain erection, and she was disgusted with me. She got dressed and stormed out of there! Of course, I felt like a total failure, but soon after realized it was just a case of "performance anxiety" due to the high expectations from her and my friends as well, who were gathered in a nearby apartment. I was the young stud who had suddenly become a buffoon! How embarrassing! But hey, it can happen to the best of us. You just have to forget about it and try, try again!
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (27 December 2009):
 Losing hardness of erection in certain degree and losing total hardness are thing, it just happened. It is normal for male and even for female. Male's erection is seemingly visible, where as female's erection not. The reason lay in psychology of the mind. In tension of what ever sort work.
But, my advice here is this: Don't go for penetration in love making unless you both are agreed to have child. If you want real magic of sexual activity and want your personality to be transform from ordinary to extra-ordinary person, then learn the art of 'foreplay' You can learn from your partner, and in reversal your partner from you. Let 'foreplay' be a part of your routine, and slowly slowly you both will see the unbelievable pleasure, and unexpected efficiency of your sex organ. It will never tire, it will always remain as a fresh flower. This method will bring you new dimension of intimacy not known to you.
Just know, 'foreplay' is prayer in religious tone. Bliss is the approval of God. Live and learn, and feel free to mail me about your experience.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (27 December 2009):
I'm sure the guys will help you more with the other details related to performance anxiety etc., but speaking from your girlfriend's point of view, if you lost your erection BEFORE you climaxed then she would blame herself more than blame you. She would be telling herself how lousy she is that a guy loses it with her. So don't think she blames you for it!
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