A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have been seeing my bf since feb (2008) i live with him and am in complete love with him.Im 19 and hes 30 and he makes me happier than ive ever been before.But he is talking about marriageWe are going away to Rome and i know for a fact that is where he plans on asking me. How do i say no but have him still ok with me and not angry with me or sad cause i couldnt bare that but i just dont feel ready and want to know hwo to let him down gently Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Rhandy  +, writes (6 January 2009):
 if your not ready just tel him, in a nice gently way, i mean you set for a dinner and after u eat talk about your plans.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): You've got a right to be your own age. So does he. Unfortunately those two things are conflicting here. (Another case of that pesky "age doesn't matter" thing again. Funny how often it eventually does matter.)
Tell him you're just not ready, and do it before the trip.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (5 January 2009):
Don't wait till he goes down on one knee.
Talk to him now. Just tell him that you were chatting to someone the other day who asked about marriage and how you were saying that you two are perfectly happy as you are and you are NOT ready for all that just yet. Maybe in a few years.
Do it before the holiday, then you can both go away and have a good time and you can show him how much you love him.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, chicoonacrusade  +, writes (5 January 2009):
uh..maybe bring up that you don't want to marry this guy before he takes you to Rome. Sounds like it could turn out to be a vacation from hell for you and him.
You feeling the way you do and him feeling the way he does shows that the age gap in this relationship means something.
A guy in his early thirties sounds like he is ready to settle down and find someone he can stand before he is plagued by balding, erectile dysfunction, and all the other goodness that comes with age. Sounds to me like this guy may also be thinking about you as the mother of his children which is normal and it shouldn't feel wrong for him.
You are young and I'm assuming you are getting to know what you want in a guy. Most girls prefer stable mature guys that will wine and dine them and treat them like princesses. Not many guys our age are that mature and stable (which is why you probably went for this guy) Again, not wrong to expect this as a guy myself I love satisfying my woman but in my opinion 20s are for trying to get the details right. A 30 year old man who sounds ready to batten down the hatches is not a good candidate for testing those details on if you really care about him.
All in all, if you are in love with this guy treat him like you are in love with him. Would you want the one you love to be 100% expecting a raise for months from his boss only to step into the meeting room and be demoted? Be the boss and rationalize this guy back to earth before he steps into the meeting room.
You, just don't dig a deep hole and play along. Normal mature guys hate being played and would rather hear the truth upfront. That is your best bet at keeping this relationship together and he will appreciate that you talked to him about it beforehand. If he appreciates you after that maybe he will offer to wait a few more years until you are ready. Marriage is big and should be thought as 'the rest of your life'. Remember that.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 January 2009):
 Firstly well done on not rushing into marriage...so many young girls would get swept away by the whole situation so well done you for being so sensible and mature!
Well I'm not sure how long you have before you go to Rome but if you have some time then maybe try dropping some hints that you are not ready. It might be best to let him down before you go away that way he wont get embarrassed and the whole trip wont be ruined for you both.
If subtle hints dont work then maybe you will have to just tell him that you love him more than anything but you are not ready for marriage. Make sure you let him know just how much you do love him and how you are so excited to marry him in a few years etc.
There is an age difference here between you and he will be well aware of it, so if you are just honest with him I'm sure he will understand. If he really loves you and wants to marry you for the right reasons then he will wait until your ready, and you can just enjoy the next few years of just being together.
You have both already taken some big steps together (living together) and you have not yet been together a year, you need to tell him to slow down a little. Love can do crazy things to you and he might just need to hear it from you that you are happy with the way things are and that marriage at the moment is not an option for you.
If he truly loves you and cares for you then he wont get angry and he will respect your decision. You are doing the right thing by being honest with him but make sure you go through with it as it will only lead to problems later on.
Good luck!!
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