A
female
age
51-59,
*atin36
writes:Dear Cupid, Does it mean something when you think of someone constantly who you are no longer with? I feel like sometimes I'm Im obesessing over this guy i only dated 3 months, but he made a huge impact on my life. I'm a well educated women, always unlucky in love, yet fell for a 33 year old convicted felon (drug traffing) with no job, no place of his own and a very good manipulater. He did 8.5 years in prison going in at 23 and coming out at 31. I really thought he wanted to change his life and seek stability. He told me he loved me, wanted to move in, asked for keys and whatever else he could ask for. Of course i said no. The degrees kicked in! He was very sweet the first month, then going into the 2nd month he became moody, needy, and unbearable. He use to call and text me at least 4 or 5 times a day. He never wanted to leave me until I put my foot down when he asked me for another request like using my work out room and would not replace the food in my fridge that he ate up! I found text messages in his phone from flirting with other women and he never wanted to tell me where he was when he was out, yet showed at my door unannounced at 2:00 to 3:00 in the am, right after he left the clubs and whomever else. I tried to break up with him gracefully or end things but he would not leave. When I finally said no to him he walked out of my life for good. I felt guilty and contacted him via text to at least be friends and he never responded. I became angry and let him know that I was on to his games and good riddens, not to mention i saw him at a club exchanging numbers and flirting with other girls. I told his friend at the door that I was through with jail birds! I never ever dated one in the past, but I fell for his smile, and his need for stability! I did my best to help him with giving him money or spoiling him. Did I mention I found another womans ATM card in his wallet. I became addicted to speaking with psychics and they have been correct on things they would pick up on, other women, drugs, partying, no money and etc...I even found his mug shot on the net! His low budget cell phone is off. I know he replaced it, but why is it off. At one point he was a great companion, we had a good time, and yet I still miss him!. It's going on 2 months and I havent heard from him. I know he's a mess, but I still miss him! Help!
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male
reader, anoms  +, writes (13 February 2009):
 listen to yourself, you have given around 50valid reasons why he's no good for you and im sure theres plenty more, but he doesnt care about you and has totally moved on, he's probably sleeping on someone elses floor right now and you wish it was yours dont you? whats the problem here, if you want to take care of the needy donate some money, otherwise let him go infect someother poor womens head with his pitiless grief, hope you leave it be, goodluk.
A
female
reader, Mrs. Mom +, writes (13 February 2009):
 Does it mean something when you think of someone constantly who you are no longer with? Yes, it often means that there is some lack in you that you are seeking to fill. You are probably idealizing him in your thoughts, but from your description of him, he is clearly a user and someone who doesn't have much to offer you.
There is a wonderful book, "Women Who Love Too Much," by Robin Norwood. I know it's pop psychology and all, but I read it, and the woman has a lot of valuable things to say about why women get involved with people who are no good for them and good advice about how to break out of this self-destructive behavior. I recommend it to you. It really helped me see the destructive patterns in my own relationships and helped me understand why I yearned for someone who was absolutely no good for me!
Best of luck to you. I'm sure you can do better than this guy!
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