A
female
age
41-50,
*lairyfairy
writes:Im in a difficult situation, ive been with my boyfriend nearly a yr hes has a son and I have a daughter! He has his son every wkend and my daughter goes to her dads every other wkend! The thing is he pretty much lives with all wk then every wk end he goes home which is half hr away to spend it with his son! He never really includes so every wkend I seem to be spending it alone, especially the wkend my daughter goes away! He never asks me to go, weve never spent a whole wk end together doing normal couple things, ive asked if he could ask he parents to look after his son maybe now again so we can do something but he wont entertain it! When I have been his son really likes me and wants to spend time with me im worried thats why he keeps us apart cos hes jealous! Its like every friday - sunday He doesnt contact me much and I feel so left out! My daughter keeps saying aswell she want to play with his son! Its like once his son has gone home hes happy to do things with me then! I ask my parents if they can babysit once a wk so we can have quality time together, but I dont think this is fair! All wk I do his tea, his lunch etc but what do I get out of it! He also says he doesnt think he wants anymore kids but I do, I want a proper family life! Also I might add if there a family party to go at a wk end I just go on my own cos he doesnt want to go, he doesnt want to travel back to over cos it cost petrol! Im so unhappy! Also he said if we did move intogether it would be yr down the line and that I would have to move there with him even though my family job friends etc are here! All he has is a house! And his son or family dont even live there! Im gettin very depressed I understand he wants to be with his son but I think he needs to think bout me too? Or am I being selfish?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): You don't sound happy with more than just that
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): I am in a similar relationship where my husband sees his son every other weekend or every weekend if he can and I am left on my own. I absolutely hate it and am very resentful. Sadly I am also actively beginning to dislke the child for being there and taking time away from us time for me and my husband. The realtionship is not for me and I will be moving on soon as I need someone who can devote more time for me and I am nor prepared to wait or waste my time any further. It is very difficult living with someone who has children with another as you always have to come second best and some people can cope with it and fit in and some people just can't do it. There is no right or wrong on this just do what is right for you
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female
reader, blairyfairy +, writes (23 October 2011):
blairyfairy is verified as being by the original poster of the question No we dont live together but what I was saying was I provide a house for him to stay at all wk as his jobs in my town, I do all the cooking,cleaning etc he doesnt give me any money for food at all! He works 12 hour days so we dont do much plus I work and raise my daughter! As were tired. Then every wk end He goes home! My daughter has met his son a few times but he never offers to want to do anything as a family and my daughter wants to do stuff with his son cos they have fun! Also I might add that my boyfriend would ask me to babysit his son if he has a night out with mates, but wouldnt ask hes parents to babysit so we could do sometime! Can u imagine thinking all youve got to looking foward to at a wkend is being alone! I want to be a part of it too, that includes his son I would be happy going there if I felt welcomed and shouldnt have to ask! Im not just on the planet to cook and look after him! And noones looking after me!
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (23 October 2011):
 Wait a second. I read your question through again, and I want to ask you to clarify something with me.
Do you two live together?
If the answer is yes, does he leave on Friday and spend the nights over there??
If the answer is no, you two don't live together, then I stand by what I said earlier. Trust me, if you had very limited 2 days a week access to your daughter, then no way in hell would you want someone to tell you to pass them off to someone else and deny you your love time with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2011): Your lives aren't blending together as you want them to, his priority is his son and quality time with him.
I think its great he spends his weekends with his lad and after being there daily with him,this is all the time he has.He probably knows that in time his son will have his own life and plans at the weekend so its even more important.
I don't think your being selfish you just want different things, he has told you how he sees the future, you moving there and no more children.You see him being with you now,as a whole family with you and your daughter and his son at the weekend.You see him sharing your life 24/7.
He is taking it slow,his son comes first and I think you have to decide if your prepared to wait,do your own weekend thing and eventually move in to his OR finish it and find a man who fits into your life and how you see a relationship.
Its what datings about , seeing if you fit together and you two don't seem to
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2011): You already got some great advice here!I wanted to add - admire your bf that he wants to have a strong relationship wtih his son. That was his first committment. You have only been with your bf "nearly a year". That is not enough time to bring up what you are longing for: a marriage and family. You are rushing.BOTH of you had relationships and children in the past. Be pickier this time about who comes into your life. DO not choose the person you can live with to fulfill your own wants and needs-their needs and wants are just as important.He let you know NOW, that he may not want more children in the future. If HE brings up the subject of marriage, be prepared that you may be saying goodbye to that want.Let HIM lead if and when he wants the two of your kids to meet. He is being wise by not rushing this. His son has already been hurt by the change of relationship with his last partner. He is probably thinking he does not want that to happen again. Find something else to do when your daughter is not with you. Your bf is not your default source of companionship and entertainment. Branch out into your own friendships and hobbies. Otherwise, you will just resent the bf for not being there-he is doing something important. It is not a rejection of YOU; the priority is the son.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (22 October 2011):
The kids always come first. I commend and applaud your boyfriend for being so dedicated to seeing them. You can see the boyfriend any night of the week and enjoy it, and a year into the relationship might not be enough time for him to feel like he can start integrating you into these family things.
His time with his son is sacred, as is your daughter's time with her dad. You wouldn't like it if your ex's significant other pressured him into not seeing your daughter, or putting conditions on how he sees her and how much time he had to spend with her on the weekends.
You have your boyfriend all week. The visitation won't last forever, as kids grow up. But he is being awesome with his son. If you're serious about a future with your boyfriend, you need to be really patient. If he is thinking about a future with you, it will slowly happen.
Also, it's possible that he think that you showing up at his ex's might be awkward and could spark a confrontation. You've been dating him for a year, but I guarantee that the ex hasn't known for a year that he was dating you.
Be patient. It's unfortunate timing that you're alone on the weekend, but look at it as "me time", which is very precious. Have a girl's night out! Do a hobby. Put your personal chores list on the weekend so that you have a lot less to do on the weekdays with him.
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reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 October 2011):
 I wouldn't want to move down there. Now he is at least in some kind of a relationship, no longer alone but his heart is not invested. Maybe he is still recovering from a heartbreak, adjusting to single parenthood. If you want another kid then he is not the man for you. In this case you have to be more selfish. He would only hate his life more if he has another kid with you. That kid won't be able to spend as much time with him. There has to be a more suitable man living closer to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2011): Yes, you are being selfish. You get to see your daughter five days a week, your boyfriend sees his son for two to three days each week. You're asking him to spend even less time with his child! Also, the son lives rather far away so it isn't like he can just drop by whenever his child needs him. And the son probably looks forward to seeing him too. Imagine how he would feel if his dad spent their time with you. He could also be a bit jealous that your daughter spends more time with him than he does. As for not inviting you, the son needs some father/son time, not father/son/father's girlfriend time. And no matter how you plan it out, it will always kind of seem like the dad is spending more time with you than with him. And as for your daughter not wanting to play with him, young children wouldn't want a new brother intruding on their mommy time. As for the other stuff, to be honest, it just doesn't seem like a good fit. You sound unhappy with more than just this, and I have to say, asking you to move is a bit unreasonable. Best of luck.
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