A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 24 year old female and I've recently gotten out of a relationship and am completely over him - we were completely wrong for each other and I am much happier not being with him! At the same time, a friend of mine (same age) was just dumped by his gf of 3 years, who has a 3 year old son (she had him at 17). He really loved her and her son, but this breakup was a long time coming - they've broken up several times before, all her doing; I've had many an internet chat wtih him about it. They lived together and she recently moved out. He was a bit down by this, so I had been spending a lot of time at his place, since it was so empty and lonely. He and I have always had a little interest in each other as more than friends, but due to both of us being in relationships, it was never really thought of in any serious manner; every so often, we would drink a bit too much and end up making out, always to regret and apologize the next day. But now that he's single, I've been spending time with him and we have drank and ended up fooling around; at first I was really confused about how I felt toward him; it's now actually possible for he and I to date, after a few years of it being totally out of the question. After thinking about it quite a bit, I realize that I really, really do like him, and want to be with him. I haven't quite told him this, but I have been trying to; all of a sudden, he seems to be avoiding me, even after I've told him I'd like to talk. I think I may have ruined my chances with him because one night, one of the many we had been hanging out, we went to a friend of his's party, and I drank too much and ended up making out with a guy there; I still left with my friend, and apologized the next day, saying that maybe he and I should stop any behaviors that are "more than friends" kind of thing. I know he's busy with work right now, but I don't know what to think. Common sense tells me that he's obviously not going to be over her in a few weeks (he's a very committed person, only had two relationships ever - a 5 year one, and this 3 year one), so I understand he isn't ready now to start anything with anyone. I just really want to talk to him, to see if I in fact have ruined my chance to be with him, or to see if he will be interested when he's ready - but I just can't get a hold of him! I don't want to pester him, so I am only calling/texting him a reasonable amount - but my patience is wearing very thin!! I am thinking that maybe I should just send him an email explaining some of this stuff, but I don't want to freak him out by seeming to just come out with all this stuff... I just want to be honest without sounding dramatic or desperate, but I feel so frustrated! Any comments on my situation? I really like him and want to be in a monogamous, committed relationship and I know that's what he wants... just don't know if it's with me! :/ Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009): Thanks for the advice!! Yes this guy is a great person - I hope that we do end up together! A day or two after I wrote this he ended up texting me saying he would like to see me, as he had a pretty bad day/week (with his and his father's company of the verge of non-existance!). So I went over and we talked a bit, made out a bit. He let me know that he does like me and want to be with me, he just isn't sure at this point what is going to happen now in his life, as he has a lot going on with work; he may have to find another job and would look out of state, or he'd like to do a lot of traveling now that he is not with his ex and her son. I completely understand and respect that. So now it is just kind of touch and go I guess... See, I don't like letting him make all the decisions, you know, when we do get to see each other; I mean, right now that's okay, but at some point I don't want this to be a normal thing... it's just hard to sit by and wait for it all to work out when I'm not that big into beliving in the whole "fate" thing, you know? I guess patience is the answer... Fingers crossed! I will try to update and let you know if we work out as we go along! Thanks!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 February 2009):
Well if he's JUST split up and thinks what you have may be worth pursuing then he's probably taking some thinking time.
He doesn't want to mess it up and is as confused as you.
Just give him some time to get over her and keep your distance a little bit. Let him come to you, and if you do go round and get drunk and the moment for kissing comes then explain it then that you think you like him but know he's not over her yet so you want to keep your distance.
If you throw it all at him in an email now it may scare him off slightly as he's going to be feeling a bit mixed up about everything.
Talk to him but wait for the right moment and be drunk so you can blame that and deny any memory of it if it goes wrong.
Good Luck!! xx
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